You Are Not What You Own
by Isfelvic
Summary: Sean should have seen it sooner. But he doesn't, and he isn't sure why he couldn't. Because now...it's just to obvious to miss. Warning and info are inside.
1. Chapter 1

**AN: My very first Glee fic, I'm trying to keep them as in character as I can. There IS some OOCness so I can make this story work. It isn't planned out all the way...so bear with me. I may make this M rated as I go on...I'm not sure yet.**

**I can't tell you the pairing but I'm sure you can guess :)**

**DISCLAIM: I don't own Glee, obviously. If I did...I wouldn't have a total cast change for a new season. **

**I'm not a machine...I do make typing errors. Quite a bit actually.**

**review please! Flame if you want, but I am the mocking type. I'll give you a section in the next chapter explaining why you're an idiot so...if you want that kinda fame all you miserable people...flame away. :) I hope you enjoy my mocking laughter!**

**My friend Pocket is helping me with this story. Which is kinda hard because she's very shy about certain things. It gets troublesome!**

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><p>From very early on, Rachel knows her family isn't typical. Not by American standards anyways. She knows there's supposed to be a mother figure somewhere. She's always wondered, as any child would, where her mother was exactly.<p>

But she's never had the heart to ask. She couldn't ask because her fathers were always trying so hard to be everything she and Sean need.

But Sean asks. And Sean asks because he isn't like Rachel. They look alike, they talk alike, they sing alike and dance alike. But Sean is blunt and honest. He's older than her by five minutes. And they're alike…but different.

Rachel tries to be modest and not hurt people, so she stays quiet, although she can hurt people unintentionally when she really wants something.

Sean asked the questions, Sean cried for his missing mother when he fell and scrapped his knee, Sean bluntly stated that even though he loved his fathers dearly…two gay men…were not women.

And Rachel had to agree. There were certain things a child couldn't talk to their fathers about.

For instance when Rachel got her first 'gift' from Mother Nature, their fathers had gone crazy and ran to the store and bought all kinds of things…pain killers of all brands safe for children, pads of all textures and absorbency. While Rachel and Sean sat in the parking lot in the car, Rachel blushing red as a cherry and Sean not knowing if he should laugh or try and comfort his little sister.

Or when Rachel started to develop and bought her first bra, Sean couldn't help his laughter when they went to the store and Hiram held sports bras to her chest. She'd refused to talk to him for days.

Sean didn't find it so funny when he got his first pairs of boxers and Leroy almost bought out the whole super hero selection for teens.

There were simply things their fathers didn't know. And only Sean spoke up about it because he wanted to know everything. And he found it strange that even though both men loved theater and loved music and trained the Berry twins in the Arts…that neither man could dance, sing, play any instruments, or even carry a simple tune.

He figured their talent must come from their mother. And so he asked, and when met with a dead end, he asked even more.

Sean Tony Berry…was persistent in all aspects of his life, so when he and Rachel entered high school, he insisted she wear something besides animal sweaters and punched the first jock he saw throw a slushy in her face at the end of the first day.

After several weeks of no slushy facials…Rachel assumed they were over, wrong. Sean got suspended for three days because he bodily tackled the jock that threw the last slushy of Rachel's freshman year. Because she was teased and picked on about so many things…she became insecure and very needy of self-assurance.

So when Rachel realized she much preferred girls over boys, she tried her very hardest to prove otherwise. Sean however; insisted she be herself and 'not give a shit', easy for him to say being the captain of the hockey team and having people terrified of him since he tackled the jock at the end of 9th grade.

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><p>Sean insisted Rachel try and make friends with Kurt, a boy who always said he wasn't gay…but Sean was an excellent people reader. They way Kurt, spoke, dressed, and acted, even the way he walked…shouted 'I like boys'; he unintentionally hit on Sean several times.<p>

Sean took it as a compliment. And at least he had options of to many girls shot him down. But he had no issues with gays. He thought it was kinda awesome how someone could say they loved a person of the same gender proudly. He figured some people are just born gay and some aren't.

Their dad Hiram is gay, who is clearly their actual father, and Rachel is too. You get traits from your parents. It's shown in studies. Several gay or lesbian parents had children or grandchildren that were the same way. Sometimes things are genetic. He thinks it's stupid when people say it's a choice. Like people would choose to get called _'faggot'_ every day by super Christians? He doesn't think so.

Rachel is still confused, but she's sure she likes girls, and because she gets teased so badly…she figures it'd just get worse if people knew. So she tried to not like girls, she tried with all her might.

But even the mighty Rachel Barbra Berry isn't so mighty as to deny such a huge deal. So she admits it, to just herself and her big brother…and life goes on.

* * *

><p>Rachel tried to like Finn, she did. He's sweet…but he had too many flaws to overlook. Like the fact that he was dumb as a doorknob, and actually made rocks look smart. But she's desperate to prove to the high school population that she isn't a lesbian, even though she's subtly eyed more than one set of Cheerio legs.<p>

When Rachel sees the bulletin of tryouts for Glee club…she's ecstatic. She can finally show off skills people seemed to hate on her MySpace videos. Which Sean put a stop to once he saw who it was commenting on her.

"You know Quinn; you're a very pretty girl." He stated after cornering her after school one day. She seemed nervous. "But your bitch personality makes me wonder how any guy could wanna date you." He sneered. She looked shocked. "Lay off my sister or you'll have more to worry about than trying to stay a perfect 'daddy's girl'. Which is a total lie."

He knew Quinn was dating Finn and they made out and did more than that on a daily basis, nothing like blowjobs or any of that, but nothing a perfect Christian would do.

"You don't have to be a dick about it." She'd hissed at him.

"You know…I think I kinda do. Game recognizes game Quinnie, and you look kinda unfamiliar with how mine works." He hissed back. "Lay off or I'll have your buried so deep in trash you won't be able to get the stench off for months." He'd smirked and left her to think.

* * *

><p>"You're too good of an actress." Sean chuckles when Rachel is cleaning off her face after she complained about Mr. Sandy (who, for the record, was even gayer than Rickey Martin by twenty).<p>

She shrugged. "I'm born to do these things brother. You should invest in your talent."

Sean shook his head. Sure he could sing but, "I don't want to be the kind of person that does what they're good at and not what they want to do." Of course he enjoyed singing and dancing and musicals and instruments…but he didn't want it to define him because the Arts were not something he wanted to really do.

They listen to Mercedes Jones belt her high notes like she's been doing it since before she was born. And this was before they knew about Glee.

Rachel is curious so they stay in the shadows and watch the next day when Kurt audition. Sean knew he was gay, the other boy's performance shouting it. The dip in his hip and the hand that rested on it, the high notes he hit like a girl…the way he pushed his hair out of his face as he sung the last long note.

They listen to Tina something Chang trying not to stutter as she sings I Kissed a Girl (Sean snickers when she hits her hips and wonders if she was trying to diminish her chances of having kids).

And then they find the list…and Rachel is so happy she jumps up and down and squeals with delight, and Sean think he can't be the only one to think it's adorably funny, even as she grabs the front of his shirt. And because he loves his sister so much, he agrees and lets her sign his name after her and places gold sticker stars after each.

He wonders where they got the like for them, but he didn't care, because for some reason he got a tattoo of a large golden star on his right shoulder. It hurt like hell when they colored it in (he wanted it to actually be gold).

Rachel sings perfectly, with their perfect pitch tuned ears, it's easy to hit notes and know where you need work.

But Sean doesn't go for musicals or movies; he sings a modern song by a favorite band.

"_**The way your hair swings over your eyes,  
>the motor in my head turns.<br>Wanting you for such a long time,"**_

He loves that band, and Anberlin but he wasn't going for emotional songs that made you think. Just good music.

And he still thinks it's funny that Rachel pretends not to know who their biological father is. Until finally, "Rach, I think we both kinda know the big black dude isn't our dad. Let's be honest." But she persisted to say that she didn't know. Typical, Sean figured.

And Sean thinks it's funny that both Quinn and Santana try and make fun of Rachel when it's clear (at least to him) that they like her voice. Britt is just too blonde to know much, but he has to hand it to her…she knows much more than she lets on.

He had pulled Quinn aside when he red her 'If I were your parents I'd sell you back comment'. "You think that's fucking funny?" He growled and she literally shook. "You say that but we both know your parents would toss you out in a heartbeat if they found you doing something wrong. Quit acting like a bitch. It doesn't make you cool; it just makes you a bitch."

He'd simply shouted at Santana, who shouted back and hit him and he laughed it off and shouted more.

Sean Tony Berry didn't half ass anything.

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><p>"<em><strong>And I said to myself sit down,<br>Sit down you're rockin the boat."**_

Sean and Rachel thought it was rude to sing about sitting with the lead as a boy who could never stand on his own again. But only Sean stated it that way, out of frustration Rachel had snapped.

"It's pointless to sing this song to a boy in a wheel chair."

Sean nodded his agreement. And he followed, as he always had, when she stormed out. He feels like there's something familiar about how she struts, the way her hair moves as she marches off. He never thinks that when she's facing him. And he can't place why it looks familiar and why she sounds familiar. And he really wished he could.

Because it's been nagging at him since they'd gone to check out what high school they wanted to go to.

Rachel looks like somebody he's seen somewhere else, if only for a moment. And because he looks like her, he figures he must look like this person he'd seen. But who? Probably a cousin they met at a Christmas dinner in Florida.

He sits beside her on the bleachers and thinks about how they have the same shade of brown hair, only his was much shorter and he let his bangs fall into his face. He thinks about how they have the same eyes and dimples and laugh. He just wants to know where it all comes from, because Hiram Berry isn't a very attractive man, and from the pictures they'd seen of him years ago…he'd never been.

So Sean asks and asks and waits and sits and watches.

But he's silent as he sits beside his younger sister on the bleachers and watches the Cheerios. He thinks about teasing her…but he doesn't. And he doesn't say anything when he sees Santana shoot a curious look up at them. Several times.

The instructor, Mr. Shue, came and tried to talk to Rachel. Told her how she was the best in there and Sean came in first as the male lead.

But Rachel is tired of being mocked. She turns to Mr. Shue as he tries to get her to come back. "Everybody hates me. I know it. Or at least…," Sean pretends not to see her glance down. "Most people do."

"And just being in Glee is going to change how people see you?" Shouldn't he be saying something nice?

"I'm amazing at singing Mr. Shue, I know I am. Being part of something great and doing something great is going to change it." Rachel is steadfast and stubborn, and Sean knows from experience that she doesn't like to listen to advice when it's not saying she can do as she pleases.

"What are you asking me for here?"

"I need male leads that can keep up with me, if something happens to Sean we're SOL, he doesn't want to be a lead to begin with." She glanced at him, he nodded, it was true. He loved attention…but not when he was singing.

And before Sean knows it…Finn Hudson is there. Dumb and clueless as ever. He didn't seem to get that he was Sean's understudy. Or what an understudy was. But Sean knew Finn had been blackmailed into Glee.

He thought it was funny how Rachel tried desperately to act straight. But he'd tried so hard to get her to just be herself (aside from the animal sweaters). Rachel was colorful and bright, even more so when she acted anything out. Sean was dark and dim but when he sang, Rachel said she could feel it light up (despite his love for dark tank tops, so people could see his star tattoo).

* * *

><p>Sean shot puck after puck into the soccer nets. He smacked Noah Puckerman once when he tried to throw a football at him.<p>

When he heard the coach shouting he turned and looked, Puck glancing over his shoulder. Finn was being yelled at…Sean wanted to know why. He glanced at Puck, his friend since fifth grade and nodded.

"Let's do it dude." Puck grinned.

"Puck, you're an idiot." Sean laughed. Puck was very easy to read, smarter than Finn but still not bright.

"What's going on man?" Sean called as Finn passed.

Finn shrugged. "Just gotta miss a practice, coach got pissed."

"Why you missing practice?" Puck asked; face scrunching up in the sunlight. He tossed the football at a passing newbie who was running laps.

"My mom," he seemed embarrassed, only Sean knew why. And so did the coach. "I gotta help her out, she just had surgery."

"What kind?" Puck is nosy; he'd be the first to admit it.

"She had to uh…get her prostate removed." Sean just stared…was Finn really that stupid? Did he pay such little attention in Health class? Puck couldn't be that dumb…could he?

"Harsh man." Wait…this was Noah Puckerman. Of course he was that dumb.

Sean just huffed, and turned back to shooting pucks into the soccer net.

* * *

><p>Sean thinks he should have noticed sooner…that Rachel seems to go out more and seem more confident. He should have, but he didn't.<p>

And now he's wondering how he could have missed it.

He stands behind her in line at the entrance to the Carmel High Auditorium. He reads the big gold letters. He's in another short sleeved shirt, and the bottom of the star is glittering gold in its place.

"You're very talented." Rachel compliments.

"Oh yeah? Thanks, I mean…I'm not as great as Sean or anything but thanks Rachel." He gives her a goofy grin. He likes her, but he's dating Quinn, who doesn't like him. Sean thinks sometimes that maybe he sees too much.

But then he thinks when he sees Rachel smile and talk, that he still isn't seeing enough. He's missing parts of the puzzle as to why Rachel is suddenly different.

Sean glances around again, because he has this odd burning in his stomach that somebody is watching him, but all he sees are blurred faces, gray hair, chatting kids, and a flick of a curled ponytail flipping around a corner.

He looks back and mindlessly watched Finn and his sister talk. He can't help but notice that Finn is about two feet taller than Rachel, or looks like it anyways. Her head only reaches his shoulder, not to say he's tall himself (he only reaches Finn's ear).

Again he thinks that Rachel reminds him of somebody he's seen somewhere…

And again he notices that it's not Finn that's making the change in her. She doesn't seem very interested in what he says. But that may just be him.

Sean gets sour apple snacks before they go in and take their seats.

The announcer blares over the small black speakers. "…Regional champions," Sean is sure they won nationals. "Vocal Adrenaline!"

Sean opens his mouth and lays his sour lollypop on his tongue and closes his mouth as the curtains open. He eyes their competition; they don't look like much with the dark casting shadows over the stage. But they have so many trophies…they're a big deal.

Rachel blinks in surprise when the stage flares up with light and Vocal Adrenaline bursts into life, with flaring swirls of blue skirts and stiff collars and shiny dress shoes that flash white from the lights, singing Rehab by Amy Winehouse.

Vocal Adrenaline was a big deal.

Sean sinks down into his seat and his eyes flit around the stage, trying to take in all the flashes of clothes and lights and limbs. He spots someone to the side, mostly tucked in shadow…but he can see long curling dark brown hair and a gray suit…it's a woman with pale skin. It may just be his imagination but he thinks she's looking back, and he thinks maybe he's crazy when he sees she's smiling.

That person…who was she?

Out of courtesy he flashes back a smile of his own before subtly looking away and glancing around after a while. He spots a red and white uniform and thinks maybe the Cheerios are here, but it's just one.

Rachel pulls him back into his seat. "Pay attention." She mumbles. He whispers an apology before watching the rest of the show.

Now Rachel loves her brother, he's the only one she'll ever get. But sometimes he just seemed out of it. When he was a baby he'd cry over the smallest things. Even when Martinez Lopez accidently tripped over him at age three.

The New Directions sat quietly for a moment after the crowd erupted with calling and cheers. It wasn't until they left the building that Sean spoke up. "We suck." He called to Mr. Shue, who looked mildly insulted. Sean just shrugged. "We do."

"While I don't agree with how my brother said it…he is right. It'll take weeks to get ready for anything and be half as good as they are." Rachel reasoned.

Sean plucked lint off his shirt and chewed the Big Chew gum he'd just opened. "We need more practice, better music, and better moves."

"We are practicing, our music is fine, and so are the dances." Mr. Shue defended.

Rachel never did like to bring people down. So instead of head-butting it out with him, and winning, she stayed quiet.

Sean didn't. "The music is good, classics, but most of it is your music. What about us?" He shrugged and followed Rachel to her car.

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><p>Sean sees Finn in the bathroom on Monday, he saw what Puck and his friends did to him.<p>

"You really didn't know chicks don't have prostates?" He had to ask.

Finn shook his head.

Sean laughed. "Next time tell a lie that you know is true. Like…I have to help her get groceries because we have relatives from out of state coming over. Puck would buy that." He doesn't mean to insult his friend, but Puck was dumb.

Finn was just dumber.

When Sean leaves the bathroom and heads for Glee, he passes Santana and Martinez arguing at her locker. They're only a year apart but Martin started school late, so they're in the same grade.

Sean doesn't care about their argument, they argue all the time.

'_Are you an idiot? What if-'_

'_It's fine! God, keep your fucking voice down.'_

'_No, and it's not fine. She could end up-'_

'_I know okay, I know. To be honest…I don't care. I hope she does!'_

'_Don't be that big of a bitch San. You can't do that to her.'_

'…_At least she won't leave…'_

'_Or you know…maybe she does.'_

'…_Shut up.' _

They were probably arguing about their mom. Their dad was always at the hospital and they had no other relatives in Lima really. But what could be so bad it'd make Three C Martin mad?

He shrugged and continued by them, he ignored Santana's worried glance.

'_You're a fucking idiot!'_ He hears Martinez hiss at his sister, who just murmurs an agreement.

* * *

><p>Mr. Shue is leaving.<p>

Sean stands beside his sister with a blank face when they hear the news. He feels bad when he hears Mercedes ask if it was because Vocal Adrenaline was so much better in such a quiet voice.

"This isn't fair, Glee won't survive without you." Rachel murmurs. Which is kind of true, he fought to get Glee back…with no teachers really supporting the club besides him…it would once again vanish into nothingness.

Finn…stupidly asks, "Do I still have to be in the club?"

Sean glances back at him. "Shut it Hudson, let the guy explain."

Mr. Shue shakes his head. "Being grown up, an adult is about making the hard choices. I had to make one. And I'm sorry but I can't do Glee anymore. I'll do my best to find someone to replace me. I swear." He gives his students a half-hearted smile and turns away.

Sean thinks Mr. Shue is a coward. He's seen Terry, Mr. Shue's insane wife. She's clever…he can give her that. But she's also very…dimwitted. But Mr. Shue is very dimwitted also if he falls for her cheap tricks. He met her on her shift when shopping for a gift for 'daddy' Hiram.

She was calculating and very sneaky, the way he watched her talk to the other workers. Mumbling about how she couldn't work more than four days a week. She was just lazy and unhappy and a sheep…and had Mr. Shue wrapped around her little finger. And he didn't have a clue.

Sean walks out with Rachel, and he thinks that if that's how people choose to live their lives…so be it. He wouldn't make easy choices seem hard for them.

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><p>Rachel stays out a little later, scraping by on coming home on time for curfew. She doesn't eat dinner at home as much anymore.<p>

Sean wants to break down and ask why. But out of the respect they have for each other…he doesn't. Her life is her business, and he's made a point of telling their fathers that too. She's growing up, of course she'll miss curfew by a little sometimes. There had been nights he'd snuck off with Puck to paintball people's cars in Carmel. It was his life.

And he thinks that even if anything is said, from the glowing megawatt smiles she seems to give more often, she'd still keep doing the same things.

But he doesn't mind. As long as she keeps smiling like that.

He just wishes he knew why.

* * *

><p>Rachel stands beside Sean as he listens to his music on his iPod while she talks to Finn about Glee. She's always been an excellent people reader. Just like Sean. She can see below the surface, if they have a deeper mind.<p>

"Finn," she speaks more firm and ignores his dopey look. "You have a talent. You shouldn't ignore it."

"Sean does."

Rachel huffs. "Because he doesn't want to be labeled by what he can do well. Your talent doesn't have to be what you want to do Finn. But you shouldn't turn away from what you have. At least my brother works with his gifts, not against them."

Sean has his eyes closed and rocks his head on his neck to the beat of the song blaring in his ear drums. He can't hear what she's saying but he's sure she'll tell him later.

Because he isn't listening or watching, he doesn't see Quinn and Santana walk up. He doesn't hear Quinn call his sister RuPaul, and he doesn't see the apologetic glance that's thrown her way too.

He opens his eyes to see them walk away, and his brow furrows when he sees Santana glance back, but only for a second.

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><p>He finds Quinn later after he asks Rachel about the encounter, it's after Cheerios practice and she's at her locker. He leans against the one beside it.<p>

He smiles inside when she jumps at seeing him after closing her locker.

"Quinn,"

"What?"

"I honestly have to know…what did Rachel do to you that's so bad you have to treat her like gum on the bottom of your shoe every day? Because I'm getting tired of having this conversation."

Quinn makes a face, tightening her jaw and raising her eyebrows just so. But she doesn't say anything.

"Nothing right? See I don't buy that…there must be some reason you hate her." He waits. "An answer would be super." He grins.

"Rachel is just Rachel, loud and annoying."

Sean sucks his teeth. "So are you. Are you jealous because my sister doesn't have to bring people down just to be happy?"

"As if."

"It's something…and I know it's something big." He eyes her face critically. "I'll figure it out…I think I'm already starting to." Sean grins and stands up straight. "Quit picking on my sister. She doesn't even look like a guy and have you seen her hands? Nothing man-like about them." He chuckles and turns away, leaving the blonde to think, maybe.

* * *

><p>Sean sings back up in their first successful rehearsal. He doesn't complain about the brightness of the glaring red shirts as he sings. Or about how tight the starched blue jeans are. He just sings. And he sings because Rachel wants him to, because she's giving that megawatt smile when she asks nicely.<p>

He could never say no, he could have given a maybe…but he'd have followed through eventually. He just really wishes he knew what was going through his sister's head.

Because he watches her while she sings. And she's giving that glowing smile and reaching, towards Finn. No, he thinks, watching closer now. She's looking right through him. Rachel sees a place she'd rather be. Or maybe a person she wishes she could sing with. But Sean knows she isn't looking at Finn Hudson.

But Finn Hudson doesn't know that.

And neither does anybody else besides the Berry twins. Maybe Quinn knows, as Sean catches her, Santana and Ms. Sue up in a balcony. Or maybe Puck knows, as Sean sees him back out of the doors.

Mr. Shue sure didn't know when he comes back.

Rachel asks why.

He shrugs and smiles. "It'd kill me to see you go on an amazing journey to win nationals without me."

Even Sean can't help his smile.

"Let's take it from the top."

* * *

><p>Sean glances at his clock again while Phantom of The Opera plays for the third time that night on his TV screen.<p>

Its five minutes till eleven, and Rachel still isn't home.

He shrugs it off and stands, he's been thirsty for a while. Once he gets his drink of juice he heads back to his room, he glances out of his window as he passes it on his way back to his comfy bed.

_Holy mother!_

He ducks out of sight quickly and peeks out…there's Rachel. And she's with…

"Oh dear God…," he whispers to himself.

His fresh glass of juice almost slips from his slack hand.

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><p><strong>I own nothing but Sean Tony Berry and this plot idea...kinda :) <strong>

**Anyways this story will change between Sean and Rachel's POV. This was just a scope out chapter to get you readers familiar with who Sean is and what he does and who he may develop into in later chapters and eventually into season 2.**

**Sorry for any errors!**

**Next chapter: Rachel's POV!**


	2. Chapter 2

**AN: Okay so it's clearly Pezberry if you haven't guessed. The reason this chapter is so long is because I added so many texting sessions between San and Rach so you readers could see how they care about each other. **

**Another note...when I thought of this story, I only had a picture in mind. Rachel sitting with a small girl on her lap and watching Santana sing. So yes this is a peen fic...but honestly it won't really be used. It'll be mentioned so all you people who are worried, fear not. No scenes shall involve the dreaded Were!Peen! I just needed a prompt so I could pull off my idea :) Again, it'll only be mentioned. Never actually used in this story actively in a smut chapter.**

**DISCLAIM: I don't own Glee, obviously. If I did...I wouldn't have a total cast change for a new season. And be warned of total OOCness from mostly Santana.**

**I'm not a machine...I do make typing errors. Quite a bit actually.**

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><p>I close my door behind me quietly, just making it in time for curfew. I look up to see the male version of myself staring at me with wide eyes. "…Sean,"<p>

"Rachel." He responds quickly. "You were,"

"It's not,"

"I think it is." He chuckles humorlessly, and out of pure disbelief. "You've got to be joking…how long?"

"…A year." I mumble guiltily.

"Oh my…oh my God. Wow." He huffs and rubs his chin. "Okay…fine…just be careful though Rach. Seriously."

"I know. We are."

He gives me a curious look. "You're not…," he raises a brow.

"No! No, we're not ready yet. Or I'm not."

"Good. I'm not above kicking her ass if she treats you wrong."

I roll my eyes, walking by him to the kitchen. "You're being melodramatic, as usual."

"_I'm_ melodramatic? _I am_?" He asks incuriously.

"Yes. You are." I pull water from the fridge and untwist the top.

"Please, you the queen of melodrama!"

"I'm going to ignore your ridicules and defend her from your first possibly offensive comment." I smile at him, sipping my water. "She's actually very sweet and caring once you get to know her. Of course we have to keep up appearances at school, but she'd never let anybody hurt me."

He shouts and smacks his hands down on the island marble top.

"You're dating Santana fucking Lopez!" He grunts with wide identical eyes. "You have been for over a year!"

"Yes, I'm very aware of my social life and what goes on inside of it. It is my life." I grin at his obvious frustration with the situation.

He shouts again before leaving. "_Ahh_!" Throwing his hands up as he goes.

"Melodramatic!" I call after him teasingly.

"_Ahh_!"

* * *

><p>I suppose some background is needed here.<p>

Yes, since freshman year I've been dating Santana Lopez. Before my brother found out only Martinez knew about us. He's my favorite person besides my brother.

Of course Santana too, but that's in a whole different way.

At the start of our freshman year…the cheerleader and I were indifferent towards each other. It simply happened where we met by total accident somewhere outside of school…and it happened again and again…only the fourth time it wasn't an accident. And all the times after weren't an accident.

It wasn't official until the fall. We'd kissed a few times but she said she just wanted to know what it felt like. I didn't buy it.

It was on Halloween, which just happened to fall on a weekend that year. It was early morning and only a little chilly.

She took me out to a small secluded park (I know it sounds like a murder waiting to happen), but she told me she really liked me. And I told her I felt the same. And she asked me to be her girlfriend, or as she said,

"Go steady with me?"

In a big jumbled sentence.

We've been officially 'secretly' dating for months now. Although I think we were dating before it was official.

She'd deny it, but I know better.

* * *

><p>Sean still can't get over it when we walk through the parking lot the next morning. I was still trying to act like I was into Finn.<p>

Which is really hard…because he was really stupid. And that sounds mean but it's so true.

"Mr. Shue!" I call, seeing him as he passes. "I went to the library and got some songs that have me heavily on lead vocals." I knew my talent, and I knew where I wanted to be…half these kids don't even know what a leader really means. Or what talent was for that matter.

"Whatever she says." Sean drones soundlessly as he flips on his music.

He keeps in step with me as I talk to Mr. Shue, my brother thinks that he's just trying to live through us students because we have so many more options than he does, and this is his way of recapturing his youth. By making us sing songs only he seems to get.

"Here, lemme help you." Finn nudges Sean aside who shoves him back, hard, before stalking off and shouting insults over his shoulder.

"You shouldn't do things like that to Sean Finn. He takes it seriously." To seriously sometimes.

"Sorry. He'll be cool with it after he calms down." He didn't sound sure, but he reaches and takes my rolling bag for me.

"Thank you." He must really think I like him. It just shows how good I am at acting.

* * *

><p>I meet Santana halfway through the hall; Quinn is waiting at her locker to meet with her.<p>

"I could carry your bag yunno." She states quietly, we never want to be over heard.

I smirk. "You're jealous."

She glares at me. "As if ever. I was just sayin'…whatever you know what I meant." She hisses at me. I take a half step ahead and try and hide my smile as I pass Quinn.

This has been a ritual for a while now, my way of walking San to her first class. She does the same thing before last block classes.

Quinn is hissing something at her; all I hear is Santana scoff.

"Yeah right. He's to fucking stupid to realize anything like that."

We pass Mr. Shue and Ms. Pillsbury. They should really stop flirting and just talk about their feelings. They're just making it awkward for themselves.

I smirked when I hear Santana snip at them as she passes. "Get a room, God. Your tension is almost pathetic."

Quinn was very demanding…and very rude most of the time.

Santana drops me off at my class, making it seem like she's just passing by, and she gives me a wink and air kisses before she turns around the corner with Quinn. Who glances back at me with a very strange look, but I brush it off.

* * *

><p><em>Join Glee?<em>

_Y?_

_Because you should care about what I'm active in._

_Nobody does more thn I do, bt thts social suicide babe._

_Santana?_

_?_

_Please?_

_…I'll c wat I cn do._

_Thank you Sanny._

_:3_

_:3_

* * *

><p>I text Santana while standing at my open locker. I'm only half aware of the conversation behind me with Quinn and Finn.<p>

_She a total bitch ain't she?_

I smile.

_You know she is San._

_True shit._

_Lol_

_Dinner?_

_Are you asking or just letting me think I can say no?_

_Kinda both._

_Sure._

_Kewl! We's be goin to Breadstix then baby._

_Lol you're adorable sometimes._

_Mm, I try n go 4 totally bangin bod, nt adorable._

I grin, turning my head in a half shake.

_That too._

_:3_

_:3_

I slip my cell into my bag to hear Quinn hiss at me, "Eavesdrop much?" What?

I turn and she takes two steps to close the space between us. "Time for a little chat, a girl talk…if you know what that means, Man-hands."

I look at my hands…Santana says I have artist fingers, slender.

_'Great for fucking too.'_

I try not to smile.

"Look, you can sing and dance and do whatever the hell it is you do in your little club. But you'll never have him."

I shrug, closing my locker. "That's fine. I have plenty of suitors of my own." I step back. "Glee is here to stay and so am I. Get used to it." I turn and walk triumphantly away. But somehow it's made bitter by the lost look she gave me before I turned my back on her.

* * *

><p>"God, these dances moves suck." Sean mumbled as he tried to force his body to move in ways he simply wasn't motivated to.<p>

"I know." I mumbled back. We were a stark contrast, with my bright yellow sweater and his gray military shirt and black bowtie.

I kicked up as we separated and I stood near Finn and Kurt. Sean tried not to laugh as Mercedes flipped and got upset with me. He thought it was funny I could kick so high and not even notice, I was curious about how I could miss it.

"And by the way, this song is totally awful. Horrible actually." Mercedes changed her source of anger from myself to Mr. Shue.

He got defensive right away. Why was it that he had such a huge problem admitting to the fact that times had changed since he was a teen and teens today didn't think like his generation may have. "You guys just need to get into it."

"How can we get into a song we don't like?" Sean asked loudly from behind me.

"Absolutely, it's totally gay." Kurt agreed.

Coming from a gay kid, that made it even worse.

"We don't have time to talk about this. We're performing this on Friday at the pep assembly."

Okay…Mr. Shue has officially lost his mind. No way can I go in front of the whole school and sing a silly old disco song that even _I_ couldn't like.

Sean, of course, spoke up first. "…The pep…in front of the whole school?"

Mr. Shue smiled. "Exactly Sean."

"Are you freakin crazy? I'm not trying to get killed just because you can't get over yourself!" Sean shouted, making me wince.

"Excuse me?" Like he didn't know?

"You heard me. Things aren't the same Mr. Shue. Kids are different, teens are different from when you went to school to now. You don't seem to get that Glee isn't even a blip on the radar. That the jocks will throw us all in the trash. That we'll get slushies' thrown in our faces almost every day."

"…We're doing the song."

"Then I'm out. I don't want rotten fruit thrown at my face or slushy drinks or get thrown into the trash. Good luck with that though." Sean grabbed his backpack and stormed out.

Mr. Shue called after him but he didn't come back.

I couldn't say anything about this to Sean…he was to right to argue with.

* * *

><p>"Why am I helping promote Glee when Mr. Shue is so mindless as to let all these horrible things happen?" Sean asks as we make copies for Glee posters.<p>

I roll my eyes at him. "Melodramatic."

"Whatever. Is there a point?"

"I'm trying to do something good for both of us. I talked about it with San last night on our date," I ignore his groan and continue. "She thinks this is a good idea. If we get Cheerios on Glee…we'll get more members." I smile.

"Cheerios? You really think Ms. Sue's bitch squad is gunna help?"

I glare at him.

"Minus Santana." He covers, rolling his eyes.

"She said Ms. Sue is going to send the Unholy Trinity to 'aid' us in our time of need purely with the intention of spying under the false pretense that Quinn is doing it for Finn and Santana is just following her and Britt is just following San." I explain quickly.

He blinks and nods. "I'm lucky I can understand you."

"Yes you are." I laugh.

"It may be nice having a double agent actually."

"No, I could never tell Mr. Shue what Santana is up to. But I can plan ahead with what she tells me so I can carefully lead the group in another direction."

"Clever." Sean chuckles.

The door opens and there's a gasp. We turn to see Ms. Sue drop her smoothie, leaving a Pepto-Bismol colored tacky sweet mark on the tiled floor.

* * *

><p>Sean sighs again beside me. I try not to look to uncomfortable.<p>

All this trouble for a silly copy machine? We didn't do anything wrong.

Ms. Sue was going, as Santana would say 'ape shit', for nothing. I was just trying to save Glee from Mr. Shue's disastrous choice of 'disco'.

It simply wasn't in style anymore with the modern generation.

I wish the teacher who is supposed to be doing Glee for _us_…could understand that.

And now…we have to pay back the money we used to make copies for posters we wouldn't have even had to make if the 'disco' theme wasn't presented.

Sean sat back in his seat as Ms. Sue stood forward and glared daggers of death down on us. "Lady Justice wept today." And held out her hand, he gave her two dollars just so he could avoid hearing anything about being under paid.

* * *

><p><em>Wat happen?<em>

_Ms. Sue was upset that we used the Cheerios copier._

_Dam, u gots guts baby!_

_All thanks to you._

_Aww_

_Lol_

_:3_

_:3_

* * *

><p>"I'm sorry Mr. Shue, but you have to understand," I try and reason with him as he stalks off.<p>

He turns back. "I don't wanna hear it."

"Mr. Shue, that song sucks. Modern teens hate music like that. If you took the time to get to know the kids you teach you would know that about them. Doing something like that is going to kill any chances of Glee becoming anything." My brother; ever blunt.

"Sometimes you have to do things you don't wanna do. It's part of life."

"You're not even listening anymore." Sean huffs, turning away.

Mr. Shue glances at him, annoyed, before he turns and walks off. "Everybody loves disco."

"That's a highly inaccurate statement!" Sean shouts after him.

I sigh. "We have to do something."

He huffs. "Whatever, you could just sit out like I am." He shrugs yet again today. "Anyways, wanna go practice or something? I'm really bored."

I shake my head. "Santana is part of the celibacy club, so I have to join to."

"You _have_ to?"

I glare at his skeptical tone. "She's joining Glee to support me. So I can join at least one of her clubs to support her."

He holds up his hands, backing down quickly. "Easy there tiger, no need to bite my head off."

I poke my tongue out at him and he walks me to my last class.

* * *

><p><em>So ur joinin?<em>

_Clearly._

_Har har, srsly?_

_Yes._

_Sweet, c u in a few ;)_

* * *

><p>It was mostly Cheerleaders that made the female mass in celibacy club. I didn't get why Brittany and Santana were even in the club.<p>

Britt had slept with tons of guys already.

And Santana was more than experienced before we got together.

And I'm sure Finn and Quinn were doing more than sinful touching behind closed doors.

I still had to act interested in boys, to an embarrassing extent. But acting is part of what makes me myself. I'm good at it.

And Quinn could really stand to lose her high and mighty attitude. Santana told me she was really insecure because I guess once upon a time she wasn't Head Cheerio material. But she doesn't know any more about it than I do.

"God, bless the perv that invented these." Quinn muses as Santana twirls on circles. I notice her smirk at me while she spins.

"Remember the power motto girls." Quinn looks at the others. It's funny…she has the potential to lead people and do some really great things. But…she does both backwards.

"It's all about the teasing, not about the pleasing." They droned with twisted grins and I tried not to drool when Santana swung her hips right in front of me. It was like a secret lap dance.

* * *

><p>Due to their being more girls than boys, I was lucky enough to get paired with Santana, go figure.<p>

"I bet you're the kinda perv that gets off on these things huh?" She sneered; I tried not to smile when she winked.

The balloon felt awkward between our hips. I didn't get what kind of practice this was for…dry humping maybe?

I rest my hands on Santana's shoulders and because she's the male in this scenario her hands rest on my sides that she thinks are getting curvier all the time. She says I have a very nice hourglass shape. I love compliments.

As Santana says, _'A compliment a day keeps the haters away.'_

There's a loud pop, I glance over to see that Finn and Quinn's balloon has popped. Aw, how sad.

"Finn!" Of course Quinn couldn't be to blame. I roll my eyes and smirk at San who just grins.

"It hit my zipper!" He defends himself.

I bite my lip and look at Santana, she eyes me curiously. I step back and the balloon drifts to the floor. "This is just pathetic." She looks hurt, I'll have to either talk with her or send her a text. "We shouldn't have to do these things, they don't work. Nationwide teen pregnancy statistics prove it."

Quinn is glaring at me but all the guys and Santana seem interested.

"Saying sex is taboo just makes teens want it more, so they act on it. It's better to practice something safely than to go in blind. That's what contraception is for in the first place." Santana looks like she understands what I'm doing now.

"Don't you dare mention the C word." Quinn snaps.

"Why? Because you want it so bad you'd be afraid to use it?" Santana cuts in. "She's right, let her talk and get your head out of your ass Blondie."

The head cheerleader looks torn now.

"No…it's okay." I nod, and turn to face the others. "You want to know something interesting guys? It's an act to get you to straighten up. Because the dirty little secret they all want to keep from you is that eight times out of ten…girls want sex just as much as guys do." I couldn't say all girls wanted sex. I myself just wanted to wait till I was ready.

But to do these things to increase temptation and then to try and act like they're better? It's just too much.

I storm out.

* * *

><p><em>I have a brilliant plan!<em>

_Sides tellin Q off?_

_You're so funny. No, even better._

_Wat?_

_Instead of doing that horrible disco song…I've  
>decided Glee will give this school just what it wants.<em>

_Mor slushy facials?_

_Ha ha, again…no. Even better. Guess again._

_IDK_

_Sex_

_…_

_San?_

_…_

_Santana?_

_…Where's Rachel?_

_I am Rachel San._

_…But you're talking about sex._

_Your texting changes when you think clearly._

_…o_

_Lol wat do you think?_

_Go 4 it. I'lls b watchin ;)_

_:3_

_:3_

* * *

><p>I smile while I bang the hammer to silence the chatter in the auditorium. Sean is standing beside me but back about a step. "Glee is now in session."<p>

"Mr. Shue isn't here though." Artie mumbles, looking up at me through his lenses.

"I kept him busy with a freshman I paid." I answered.

Mercedes groaned. "I am so," she glanced behind me and stopped suddenly. I could only imagine what Sean was doing. She sniffed indignantly and shifted, blinking. She waited.

"I have a new idea for the assembly. A better idea than disco I might ad."

Artie raised a hand. "I just have to say I think it's a really bad idea. I don't want to get killed."

I shake my head. "They won't kill us. Because with my new plan…we're going to give them exactly what every teens wants at this age."

"Blood?" Kurt raised a brow, I still think he needs to stop saying he isn't gay.

"Better." I smile.

"Guns?" Tina asks.

"Illegal, but better."

They stare at me, waiting curiously now. "Sex." The look of surprise is from more than just the idea. The raised eyebrows and widened eyes make me want to laugh.

* * *

><p><em>Where are you sitting?<em>

_Wit the giant red patch in the stands._

_…nice description._

_Lol I thnk we look like a cold sore on a giant lip._

_You never cease to make me laugh._

_I try :-*_

_:-*_

_Gud luck_

_Thank you!_

* * *

><p>I'm a nervous wreck when the curtains pull back and the song starts. But thanks to years of practice…it doesn't show.<p>

I see Sean sitting near Santana when I glance that way. He's looking at her like he's been insulted. She just keeps staring at me. He hisses something at her and she brushes it off.

It doesn't feel right when Finn touches me, or any of the guys touch me. I don't like it. But…I have to follow through with my idea. Like Sean, I don't like to half-ass anything.

Maybe it's just a Berry thing.

**_"Ah, push it. Push it good.  
>Ah, push it. Push it real good."<em>**

This song is perfect motivation for Santana on _those_ days.

What I wasn't expecting were the wild cheers when we were finished with the song. The disco act would have killed us. Teens like music they can relate to. What better for hormonal teens to relate to than sex?

But some parents just don't seem to get it.

Be prepared…it's better than trying to fight the taboo and go in with a blind eye…I wish I could have practiced that better.

* * *

><p>Ms. Sue freaks me out.<p>

After she moved on I tried to apologize to Mr. Shue. But…he wouldn't listen. Why was this so hard for adults to understand?

"Do you even understand what you did today?" He snaps at me. "You lied to me, and now because of this…no parent is going to let their kids join Glee."

"Chill out." He looks over, surprised to see Sean. "She did you a favor. One of these days…maybe not today, or tomorrow, or even this school year…but someday you'll get it. You're not the one trying to fit in. Doing that stupid disco song would have put my sister and the others so far down on the food chain they'd look like plankton."

Mr. Shue opened his mouth, Sean raised his hand.

"No, I'm talking. You're listening." I wonder where he got this from…the ability to silence people like that. Dad wasn't like that at all, and neither was daddy actually. "You seem to fail at understanding teens today. You think you get it because you have a kid on the way right?"

Mr. Shue opened his mouth again. "Ah, you're wrong. Anything you could possibly say…you're wrong." He lowered his hand. "Maybe when your kid is a teen and fighting to be noticed and actually _have_ friends that won't talk behind their back…maybe then you'll get it."

Sean nodded to me and I followed him quickly, eager to get away from high school drama and meet up with Santana.

* * *

><p>"Your outfit was actually pretty fucking cute."<p>

I giggle. "You really think so?"

"Totes babe."

We're in my room, I have no lock on my door so we can't do much, but kissing is always fun. Especially with one Santana Lopez.

* * *

><p>Now we're practicing after school the next day so she can hit the right notes for the song she'll be singing with Quinn and Britt.<p>

I hit a note on the piano, a middle mono tone key. "Try that."

She tries to sing _La_ in her talking voice, which sometimes doesn't go over well with anyone. "That was just okay, it'll get better."

I hit a higher note. She spins in place and hits me with a deep soprano sound. "Wow." I grin.

She laughs. "I didn't know I could do shit like that."

"Oh yeah?"

"Yeah, I wanna get so high I can break glass like those opera chicks. That's badass. I'd never lose an argument with a dude again. Bust his ear drums." She clicks her tongue.

"I'm rubbing off on you."

She gives me a little smirk. "Yeah you are."

"Not like that!" I can't help my smile. "You just talk longer like I tend to do in most conversations, although it isn't intentional it still happens and I suppose it can be a bit much," I stop when I feel her finger tap my lips.

"You rant. Big diff." She chuckles and covers her mouth as she yawns a little.

"You want to sit down? I brought a snack." I motion to the little nook I'd made for us of blankets and pillows.

"Hellz yes!" She almost literally jumps into the middle before opening the picnic basket I brought with me. I laugh as I join her slowly.

I haven't been feeling good lately. Not sure why. Of course it could be the vegan chili I've switched into my diet.

She's staring at me.

"What?"

"Your ass shows…those skirts are to damn short Rach. I keep telling you that."

"Your skirt is barely even a skirt. At least people can't see what panties I could be wearing every time I turn around."

She makes a face. "Okay, I'll give you that one." She takes a bite of the bread I made. She stares at me for a long time. "I think those girls that pick on you are just jealous."

"Of what?" I snag a bite.

"You're not ugly babe, you're actually fucking gorgeous. Insecure girls pick on prettier girls to make them feel ugly so people see them as ugly. They're jealous."

"Outside of school…you're actually quite smart Sanny."

"Ha ha." She smiles at me. "I resemble that."

"Resent."

"Whatever." She chuckles.

"…San?"

"Hm?"

"Thank you."

She chews the last bite and sits up on her knees, leaning over me. I try not to blush when she pushes me down and settles on top of me. "You don't have to thank me for the truth." Her thumb is on my bottom lip, opening my mouth just a little.

My arms are around her neck as she kisses me.

* * *

><p>I stand outside the doors for the choir room with Sean hovering over my left shoulder and Martinez at my right.<p>

We can't hear what they're saying…but I can hear the music.

"I have to try out next." Martin whispers.

"Why?" Sean asks softly.

"San says if she has to join so do I because her girlfriend's brother joined Glee for her. So I have to live up to your perfect big brother ideals." He answers. "Thanks a million."

Sean chuckles. "Sorry, I didn't think she'd do that."

I continue to listen and watch as the Unholy Trinity dance and perform their unneeded entry into the club. It does say on the poster than everybody that tries out gets in, so even if they're bad they get in.

It sounds like they crack up at the end but I couldn't tell.

"What are you gunna sing?"

"I'm Alright."

"Nice."

"Yeah."

"Shh!" I hiss at them.

They stand aside as Martin slinks into the room like a beaten cat. I can only hear a little before the door closes and the sounds are too muffled to really make out.

"My sister made me do this, she said she'd get a jumper cable and tie it to the flag pole and…" I would have to talk to Santana about her verbal abuse. But it seemed like something she would plan.

* * *

><p><em>Dnt b mad.<em>

_About what?_

_Shue gave Quinn the solo u wer tlkin bout._

_…What? Why?_

_I dnt no. I din feel like hearin hr tlk shit abt it._

_…I see._

_…I'm rly srry baby._

_Its okay, it's not like it's your fault._

_…Dinner?_

_Yes please._

_:J_

* * *

><p>"But it's my solo. I worked for it Mr. Shue. Quinn Fabray joins Glee and suddenly all my years of working on these kinds of things go out the window?"<p>

"Rachel, contrary to your beliefs it isn't all about you."

It is if you'd been working towards Broadway since you were only months old.

"You brought this on yourself. You wanted to sell sex to the students and Quinn Fabray sang a song that had nothing to do with the subject and she did a heck of a job with it."

"So you're punishing me? You're not my father. Teens need to know about sex Mr. Shue. You don't hear them talk about it but I can swear to you that more than half of this school's population is doing it." I wouldn't be judged on a choice to make adults aware of what their kids were and wanted to do.

"I get it Rachel. I really do. I'm to blame too here. If I had listened and not pushed that idea so hard…we probably wouldn't be having this conversation." He shrugs and gives an embarrassed half smile. "But…what's done is done, and I think not being in the spotlight will be good for you. Being part of something special means being able to work with a team."

I nod, I understood. And he was right…but my ego wouldn't let me stop.

"We have to work together to get to Nationals. But…that doesn't mean we can't have fun. You have to learn to work with others…and we could all stand to learn how to get along better." He sighs with another smile and I just nod again, forcing one of my own.

* * *

><p><em>Wat hapnd?<em>

_Mr. Shue called me out, but I did the same to him._

_Mm ur brave babe._

_Lol hardly. San?_

_Yea?_

_Do you think I'm special?_

_…As in?_

_Like I'm supposed to go far with my life. Like my dreams._

_…_

_San?_

_…Rachel, at the end of the day…every1 knows ur getting out of ths cow twn. Its cuz u got mad skill._

_What about you?_

_…I'll go wit u. If u wnt me 2._

_Of course._

_:J dnt listn 2 w/e bullshit ppl say. Ppl alwaz tlk._

_Thanks San._

_No prob babe, now can I pick you up for dinner?_

_Yes please._

_:J_

_:3_


	3. Chapter 3

**AN: Okay so it's clearly Pezberry if you haven't guessed. The reason this chapter is so long is because I added so many texting sessions between San and Rach so you readers could see how they care about each other. **

**Another chapter! Yay! I'll have to take a day or two break from this story to work on my revamping of my Twilight fic.**

**DISCLAIM: I don't own Glee, obviously. If I did...I wouldn't have a total cast change for a new season. And be warned of total OOCness from mostly Santana.**

**I'm not a machine...I do make typing errors. Quite a bit actually.**

* * *

><p>When a brother misses signs that his only little sister has been dating someone for about a year…that bad. Like really bad. It's like a call for evil mojo because you failed your brotherly deeds.<p>

Like Rachel says, I know I can seem over dramatic, but if you step back and look at a situation…my reactions are right on target.

Because come on…ho wouldn't react like that if they found out their little sister or brother was dating Santana Lopez, _Lopez_!

But I had a feeling Santana was a closeted lesbian. Some people just give you those vibes.

Like one Quinn Fabray. Yes, perfect little Christian girl, head cheerleader, captain of the Celibacy club, straight A, blonde cliché, Quinn Fabray!

…I made a rhyme!

* * *

><p>Wow…Mr. Shue really can't dance. I have amazing balance, and if I can trip doing these moves, they aren't any good.<p>

I rejoined the club after the incident, and now I had Martin here to talk too when Rachel wasn't around.

Speaking of Martinez, he grunted in frustration as he got lost again, flipping his curly dark hair from his eyes. "Yo, Mr. Shue!"

"For the last time you guys don't have to ask if you need the bathroom,"

That ain't the issue." Unlike Santana, his still carried a soft Spanish accent due to him speaking it longer and refusing to stop for a while once he got into school.

"So what is it?" The teacher turns to face us.

"These dance steps man. I can salsa dance like nobody's business…and tango I might add." He grins at his own joke. "So if I can't get this…something is wrong Senor." Martin glanced back at me with a face, I nodded my understanding.

"There's nothing wrong with these moves." Mr. Shue defended. Why was he so uptight all the time? I may be a Berry but I'm more than open to changing myself for the better.

"Mr. Shue I'm sorry but…you're not trained at this." Rachel steps in, she's standing near Santana. She was having eye sex with my little sister at that sex pep rally. It was disturbing.

* * *

><p><em>"You're having eye sex with my sister."<em>

_"Yes I am."_

_"Quit it, it's gross!"_

_"Don't be such a prude."_

_"It's my sister!"_

* * *

><p>But she looked between bored and annoyed with what was happening. She and Martinez looked a lot alike, but he had a stronger jaw and his voice wasn't as smoke covered like he'd just drank a bottle of whiskey.<p>

"Yeah, what about that dude who works with Vocal Adrenaline? I hear he's pretty badass." I shoot off.

"Didn't he understudy on Broadway?"

Yeah, he's expensive but he gets shit done." Martin made a face, sucking in his bottom lip and his eyes growing wide…he'd just cussed in front of a teacher, lucky for him…the teacher didn't seem to notice.

"Who is this guy?" Mr. Shue asks.

"Dakota Stanly." Rachel fills in. Quinn and Santana had tried to corner her and make her voice a bad decision, but Santana had saved the day by meeting her at lunch and telling her in all seriousness, he was the best person to look into. Or so Rachel told me.

"Just because he understudied doesn't mean he performed." Mr. Shue thought his defense was golden, as did most people…but I couldn't help my smirk.

There was a scoff and everyone glanced at Quinn. "Did you? Ever perform, after high school? Did you even try out?" Her tone…it was condescending. But I was surprised…she was practically defending Rachel.

But _why_?

I glance back to see Santana giving Rachel a reassuring look. She could actually be intelligent…shocking no?

But…Mr. Shue had no answer to Quinn's question. So he dismissed us.

* * *

><p><em>How is Santana?<em>

_What do you mean?_

_You two…the relationship?_

_Why don't you ask us directly?_

_Lol, you're so funny. But seriously._

_It's fine, more than fine actually._

_Define that._

_She's really not as bad as people think. She got label, just like you and I the second she walked through the doors._

_Okay…so what makes her so nice?_

_She leaves me little gifts in my locker or buys me flowers outside of school._

_…How does she get into your locker?_

_What is she going to steal Sean?_

_Not the point._

_You're overreacting again. If you can't trust the person I'm with then at least trust me._

_…Fine._

_Thank you :]_

_Yeah, yeah._

* * *

><p>I chuckle as I sing with Martinez in a low voice as we walk to class.<p>

"**_I lost on Jeopardy, baby.  
>Oooo Ooo Ooooo Ooo."<em>**

They giggled as they sang the high note.

I pass Rachel carrying the plate of cookies she made last night. "Whoa, where you going?" I stop her.

"Yeah where's the fire? I want a cookie, please?" She hands him a smaller one and he takes it happily.

"I want to apologize to Mr. Shue." She mumbles.

It figures Rachel would be the one to take the blame. But I'm not letting her this time, even if I have to go with her to talk to Mr. Shue. "Rach, you don't have anything to say sorry for. You didn't say anything mean and neither did Martinez or me. Maybe Quinn but she's Quinn." I shrug.

"But,"

"Ah," Martin holds up a hand as he finishes his cookie. "I spoke up first. If anybody should be taking those cookies to Timberlake it's me." He holds out his hands for the platter.

"As honest as that is…you're just going to eat them all." He had done it before, twice.

Martin stuck out his bottom lip but swore as his head dropped to his chest.

I laughed. "Operation cookie snatch: Failed!" I teased. It made him smile again as he lifted his head.

"If Mr. Shue doesn't want them you can have them." Rachel gives him hope, which he takes just as greedily as the first cookie.

I tap Martin on the shoulder. "I'll go with you. People tend to snap at you when I'm not around." I glance back at my friend. "See you in Glee."

He jogs down the hall and spins. "_Adios_!" He cries and runs the rest of the way.

"You make crazy friends." Rachel chuckles.

I nod; I like to have a wild arrangement of company.

* * *

><p><em>Wer r u?<em>

_Sean and I went to talk to Mr. Shue._

_And?_

_It's still no._

_I c._

_I feel horrible._

_Babe, u didn say anything bad. Martin did 1st._

_I know but still._

_Still nutin, nt ur fault._

_..._

_I'll get u flowrs if u cheer up._

_:] Okay_

_Lmao!_

_Lol_

* * *

><p>I read Rachel's texting to Santana over her shoulder; I'm tall enough so she doesn't notice. I guess she really does care…<p>

I stand behind her as she explains why he isn't coming back. Even though he says he isn't quitting.

He acts all super nice and dandy, but he's just like a typical guy, like Finn Hudson. What they say, do, and think are several different things.

"Why would he want anything to do with us after you kicked him in the nads?" Finn raises his voice.

"Watch yourself farm boy." I warn. It wasn't just Rachel and don't talk to her like that."

"Besides, I said something first. I was worse, she was just honest." Martin stands, brushing his hair from his face again. He grins bashfully at Rachel. She just chuckles and offers him the plate. He thanks her and shuffles back to his seat besides his own little sister who manages to snag one.

"And besides all that, we are trying to win." Santana shrugs, watching Rachel carefully. "Quit trying to blame Berry, Frankenteen."

"Well I don't see anybody else with a plate of 'I'm sorry' cookies." Finn pointed out.

"Because she had more guts to apologize than any of the guys in here. You should be giving her credit for doing what they couldn't do." She takes a bite of her cookie. "Just sayin', don't point fingers if you can't take a hit."

"True shit." Martin agrees.

Quinn stands. "I'm bored."

"You're always bored Quinn." I give her a bored look of my own. "Even when you're practicing. You're bored. They say boring people get bored the easiest."

"You're so funny, not." She snaps at me.

"Oh, watch those claws, you may kill someone." I reply. "Or worse, give them your major case of bitch."

"Why do you always zero in on me? Hmm?" Her hands go to her hips as she glares holes into my head.

"Because you always zero in on my sister. Doesn't feel so good does it?" I wanted her to understand, but she's like Mr. Shue that way…always on defense. While I'm always on offense.

"Whatever." She glances at Rachel before turning to Finn. "All those in favor of hiring Dakota Stanley." She raises her hand.

Santana and Brittany raise their hands, although Santana is much slower about it. Martin raises his hand but lowers it to pop a cookie in his mouth before raising it again and smiles embarrassingly. Kurt, Mercedes, and Tina all raise their hands.

Rachel looks back at me, I shrug. I'm on the fence about this whole situation. But either way…not choosing Dakota…was clearly not going to happen. But she looks at Finn and even from this angle I can see the mean smile as she raises her hand. Finn glares at me as I hold mine up too.

* * *

><p>Santana is rubbing off on you." I mumble as I go by. "And not in the way I hope isn't happening!" I shout as I jog off to Hockey practice. I see her smile in relief as I go. Martin is suddenly beside me.<p>

"Rachel lied." He mumbled before running off, I pause, glancing back. She's arguing with Finn. What would she lie to me of all people for? I run after the Latino to find out what he meant. He's more than halfway to the locker rooms when I catch his shoulder.

"Dude," I huff.

He looks unsure, his eyes dart.

"What did you mean?"

"Rachel lied…Santana lied…at first, but then she told me the truth." He mumbled, it seemed like this was something maybe his sister had told him to keep secret. But what?

"What are you talking about?"

"The assembly, the celibacy club, staying out way too late on dates…they lied to us." He murmurs before turning and darting into the locker room.

What?

'Neither of us are ready yet.' She'd looked down…why was he letting these little things slip his notice so much lately. First he misses the year long relationship she'd never told him about…now she'd lied about…this!

This was a big deal; she had no right getting mad at me for how I felt now.

I wasn't angry, I wasn't pissed, I wasn't even furious. Oh no…I was way passed that.

I could feel myself fly into a righteous horrendous tantrum. I was seeing red.

Kids were thrown into lockers and trash cans and I think I sent Dave Karofsky down a staircase. I'd have to apologize to anybody I've shoved (so far…if I remember their faces), but right now…I'm parting crowds of teens like the Red Sea. I'm a wall of horrors unexplored.

* * *

><p>I find her at her locker, the day was over, and I'd missed practice trying to find her. I slam my shoulder into the locker next to hers as I glare down at her. She jumps and peers up at me.<p>

"Sean? Are you…are you okay? You look really upset." She seems nervous, good.

"Martinez told me you and Santana lied to us." That conversation (or most of it) that I heard passing the Lopez siblings was starting to make a lot more sense. "You and Santana have been having sex, haven't you?"

She looks terrified now. "Sean,"

"So it's true…you lied to me. About this! This isn't a joke Rachel, that kind of thing is serious!"

"You don't think I know that!" She snaps, turning to me fully. "I'm well aware that she could just drop me like trash, but it's been months, and she's just as sweet with me as ever. "You can say what you want, but I know already. Part of living is experiencing things and doing things. I don't want to be twenty-five and look around and suddenly realize I missed out on a whole world of amazing things."

I feel calmer once she explains, but I'm still angry. And it's not even about the fact that they're…ugh, 'intimate'. It's the fact that she lied to me. "Why didn't you just explain it?"

"Melodramatic Sean. You overreact to everything I tell you."

"I so don't."

"You just did."

"I get that way because I worry Rachel." I stand straight and hold out my hands, palms towards each other. "You have to understand, you're my _sister_, my _only_ sister I'm ever going to get. You're my only _little_ sister. I freak out about the little things because I worry that you might make a bad choice and end up hurt." We've talked about this, although not so seriously.

"You think I don't feel the same way? Sean I'd rather have us both go into the deep end of the pool than to have you or myself get left behind. I don't want to see you get hurt either, but you can't just block yourself off from everything in the world besides our family."

I nod. "I know…I know. I'm sorry I flipped out like that." I cringe when I realize I have a shitload of people to say sorry to for possible long term bruising, or broken bones (Dave). "Come on, we're gunna be late for game night." I smile when she closes her locker and slips her bag over her shoulder to skip along behind me. Just like she always has.

* * *

><p><em>You liar.<em>

_Wat?_

_You've been getting with my sister!_

_…Who tld u?_

_None of your business, point is that I know. I also know you and your bitch squad are spies._

_Don't call Britt a bitch._

_Fine, Space Cadet._

_…Better. Look srry I lied, its jus…_

_Just what Santana?_

_I luv ur sister. I do, an Nuthin u say or do is gun change tht._

_I see._

_An like it or nt…ur sister luvs me 2._

_I get it._

_I'm goin wit her 2 NYC._

_Alright! Okay, I get it, bonded forever, soul mates, life partners…I_ understand!

_Lol srry._

_…I'm obligated to say that if you break her heart I'll break your bones._

_…Go ahead._

* * *

><p>Santana's response to my last comment got me; I thought she'd laugh it off. But she was totally serious.<p>

Love makes you do the wacky, or so they say.

I sigh as I stand beside Mercedes, waiting for Martin to finish getting his stuff from his locker.

She sighs, looking off down the hallway. I turn and see Finn and Quinn, and I see Santana and Rachel walking almost together shooting those sickening love glances at each other.

"Have you ever kissed anybody Kurt?" She asks softly. Aww, she feels lonely. I don't blame her, so do I.

"Yes," he answers absentmindedly as he opens his locker. Where did he even come from…in his…army jacket thing. "If by someone you mean the tender crook of my elbow."

…That was just weird, but I didn't say anything.

I turn to Martin, "Martinez, have you ever kissed anybody." I can feel Mercedes eyes on me. The Latino smirks and looks up me, his eyes flick to the side, watching our sisters' pass.

"You know you're my one and only." He winks. I chuckle when I see them pause.

"You don't even take me out anymore."

"Oh, you know I love you." He thickens his accent and smirks.

We lean in…I back out. He cheers, pumping a fist in the air. "Still the king of Gay Chicken!" He laughs, I grin in my defeat, I always wimp out. Nothing against gay dudes, I just can't do it. We head to class, Rachel skips by me. I turn to see Santana and Quinn gang up on Mercedes once we're at the end of the hall.

Sometimes you just have to act by how you're labeled. Not Britt of course, she was one in a billion.

* * *

><p><em>Don't let your girlfriend hurt Mercedes feelings.<em>

_What are you talking about?_

_She and Quinn are trying to make Mercedes go after Kurt._

_…Kurt's gay._

_Everyone knows that. Not the point. Just because she won't hurt you…doesn't mean you should let her hurt other people._

_I'll talk to her._

_Thank you._

* * *

><p>She and Santana are becoming more obvious, standing closer to each other, talking to each other in public more. I saw them kissing behind the school after hours (ugh); I think they may as well just come out already. They can't keep their badly kept secret a secret for very much longer.<p>

I stand beside Martin and Tina, Quinn is next to Britt, and Santana is so close to Rachel they're almost holding hands.

Kurt rolls up, and even I have to admit that this car is fucking awesome. Spinning rims and all. "Damn Kurt, this car is fly." Mercedes compliments.

They shouldn't be making her do this, she's strong…but her heart is soft. Overemotional, fragile.

I glance at my sister and Santana; they're walking beside each other as the group moves. Rachel has a shy grin on her face and Santana's arm is twitching, she probably wants to throw it around her shoulders and stake her claim, but in high school (especially around Quinn), appearance is everything.

"Do we even know if they're rehearsing today?" Quinn asks snobbishly.

"Didn't you set up this appointment Quinn?" Martinez asks curiously.

"It doesn't hurt to double-check." She sneers.

"Yeah I bet." I chuckle.

"Vocal Adrenaline rehearses every day from two thirty until midnight." Rachel answers Quinn's original question.

"Aye Dios." I hear Martinez mumbles.

"That's almost just like the Cheerios. Just not as long." Santana shrugs it off.

I see Rachel smile back at me and look ahead to see Kurt tuck Mercedes arm under his. She seems quite taken with him. Oh boy… Rachel and Santana exchange a look and she whispers something that makes the Latina's shoulders wilt and her head lower.

But Santana nods and when Rachel smiles she seems to perk up.

Seriously…they should just openly admit they're dating, they can't be more obvious.

"I'm worried these Vocal Adrenaline kids are gunna be so much better than us. What if they are?" Mercedes says aloud.

"Oh please, they just have more time to practice. A robot, however well it works, is still a robot. We have more heart." Kurt smiles and waves off his worry.

Mercedes looks to the Cheerios, first at Quinn and Britt and then to Santana who just pretends not to see. If she'll listen to Rachel of all people…ugh, it really must be love.

"So do you wanna hang out or something?"

"Come over, its Liza Minnelli week on AMC."

Rachel breaks Mercedes haze of desperation. "Guys, that's Andrea Cohen." I can hear the smile on her face. I look at Santana again; she's watching her with that lovesick smirk and those doe eyes that make it clear she thinks my sister is adorable. "She won outstanding soloist last year in 'Absolutely Tampastic'."

…Was she talking about that girl currently leaning over a trashcan and retching her guts inside the bag?

She steps closer as the girl with a neck brace talks to the puking 'Andrea'. "Are you girls Vocal Adrenaline?" She's straight forward. They look up at her curiously. "We'd like to talk to Dakota Stanley about choreographing for out glee club."

Andrea shakes her head, eyes growing in fear. "Don't, don't do it. He's a monster." She whimpers.

* * *

><p>This dude wasn't just freakishly short; he also looked freakishly similar to a leprechaun, facial wise.<p>

He had no humor. He was angry and disappointed and nothing was ever good enough.

And that would have been fine, had Quinn not set it up so we'd hate it and quit. But Rachel was insisting, always had been.

"Mr. Stanley, we're from the McKinley High Glee Club!" He looks so short getting into his car! And who is that super-hot chick with him? Don't tell me this miserable jerk has a wife that actually wants to sleep with him!

Damn life sucks!

"No interviews." He answered.

"Who'd wanna talk to this dick?" Martin mumbles beside me.

"W-we'd like you t-to choreograph for us."

He sits back and looks at us. "Okay look, my fee is eight thousand dollars per number and an extra ten thousand dollar bonus if you place in the top three." He waves a small hand. "And with Dakota Stanley, you will place the top three." He rolls his eyes and grabs the wheel, ready to start the car.

I grab it in a firm grip and he glares up at me. "We don't even know all that crap. That could be from years ago, you're like forty right? Anyways, show us some moves and if they're legit we give you half the money. When we win will pay you the rest." I offer. "Turn us down, I'll just tell everyone you're a liar, I'll even make a tape to prove it."

He takes a deep breath.

"Sleep on it." I smirk and step back. He gives me a hard look before starting the car and screeching out of the parking lot.

I turn to Rachel. "Where are we going to get eight thousand dollars?" She whispers.

Okay…that wasn't the smartest thing I've ever done, but chances are…with this deal, we can beat him out and keep the cash.

* * *

><p>It's the weekend, and it's late. Santana took Rachel out to a movie like two hours ago. So if they come right back they should be here soon.<p>

I pray there isn't a 'detour'.

I'm not homophobic; it's just that she's my little sister. I worry you know? I think all big brothers do. However hard, uncaring, and 'subtle' they may be on the outside. Or however few minutes separate the old from the young…I worry.

I'm lying on my bed, watching X-Men, and I hear the door downstairs open. There's soft chatter, its Rachel and Santana.

"I don't care, don't you dare lead Mercedes on like that."

"Baby,"

"Imagine it was you or me San. How would you feel?"

"I get it. I got it."

"Oh…and don't worry about collecting money for Dakota."

"Why?"

"I have a feeling we won't be hiring him."

There's a silence. I know they're across the small hallway outside of Rachel's room. The volume on my TV is soft. I let my head fall back and stare up at the golden constellation stickers I bought a few years ago.

"I love you."

"I love you too."

There's a soft click and her door is closed and locked.

I blink at the stars, and I think for a second that I'm actually looking at the sky, until I realize I'm watching through my tears.

My sister found somebody, she lied to me about them, she kept me in the dark. She lied. My own sister. She left me in the shallow end of the pool.

* * *

><p>I smacked Santana's wandering hands for the tenth time. She glares at me. I glare back. "Keep your paws off my sister! At least do it where I can't see it." I hiss.<p>

Rachel giggles and brushes by Santana who follows quickly.

They're quickly becoming official. Publicly.

Ms. Sue supported Glee making money for Dakota Stanley. I knew it was a scam to get under our skin and make us quit. Lucky Rachel and I are naturally stubborn.

"Dude, these outfits are driving me crazy!" Martinez grumbles as he stalks by with a fresh bucket of water. I follow him. I shout at Santana again as I catch her trying to convince Rachel to take her shirt off and just wear her bra. She smirks and shrugs it off.

"Do you know how Mercedes is doing?" I ask Martin as we get to the next car.

He shrugs. "Either way her heart is gunna get busted. She never asked him how he felt about her so…that's just how things go." He waves it off as he lathers up his sponge and starts scrubbing the hood.

I glance over to see Kurt watching me. I raise a brow before getting to work, I bend to reach the soap and stand again (it slipped into the bucket). "I guess you're right." We both look over when we hear a sharp crash of shattering glass.

Mercedes has thrown what I can only assume was a rock or a very had sponge into Kurt's windshield. He must have broken the news of his disinterest. She was pissed.

"Dude." Martin mumbles, looking back at me with worried eyes.

"Just clean the car." I pretend not to see them.

"But,"

"Just clean the car!" I hiss at him. I didn't want the wrath of Mercedes Jones brought down on my head. I was stubborn, but I wasn't stupid.

* * *

><p>Rachel and Santana are standing next to each other again. She looks different, Rachel I mean. I can't place it but she just looks different.<p>

I stand beside her as Dakota hands us 'personalized menus'. That asshole.

"You're going to be eating just this for the next six months."

I blink. "Mine says protein shake."

"Yeah, you're built but you could use more muscle."

"I think I look pretty good." I defend myself.

Martinez raises his hand on his sister's left. "Mine says less burritos."

"Yeah, those kinds of food can really slow you down."

"…You think I eat burritos because I'm Hispanic? Don't make me cut your face off senor."

Before Dakota could reply, Mercedes spoke up. "Mine just says black coffee."

"Yep." He stands back. "Okay, Artie you're cut you're not trying hard enough."

He looks around. "Not trying…at what?"

"Walking."

Ouch.

"It's depressing to have to wheel you around every number."

Artie looks insulted. He should shout and scream and tell this midget off. But he doesn't.

"That's not fair." Mercedes speaks up. "You can't cut him for something he can't help."

"Oh no, you're cut too. It's gotta go F.A." I was seriously about to punch this dudes face in.

Kurt jumps in. "You can't kick people out because you don't like how they look."

"Umm maybe you should shut your face and stay away from aerosol cans cause let's all be honest…you could burst into flames any moment. Just saying."

I look at Santana, watching her. None of the cheerleaders have menus I notice.

"You three are perfect don't change a thing." He passes Martin and gets to Rachel. "You," he makes a face. "I highly recommend a nose job."

"Hey!" I step forward and he flinches back. "Watch your fucking mouth midget! You don't have a right to judge us by how we look, because let's be honest, you should look in a mirror." I turn to glare at Quinn and Santana. "I hope you're happy." This was pointedly at Santana. "I'm out." I flip my menu back at Dakota and head for the door.

"Me t-t-too." Tina follows.

"I love myself to much to listen to a dick like you. Oh, and Hispanics fucking rock. Just so you know." Martin's accept gets thicker when he's upset.

"Let's roll Artie." Mercedes helps him.

"I'm gone." I hear Kurt.

"Wait!" Rachel calls. I turn out of habit. We're watching her. She glances back at Santana whose frowning. She looks back at us. "Barbra." She states simply, looking right at me. I automatically know what she means. "Barbra Streisand."

"What?" Finn asks.

"When Barbra was a young and just starting out, every one told her she'd have to get a nose job if she wanted to get anywhere. Thankfully she refused. And she still was amazingly famous." Rachel smiled triumphantly.

"And this is going where?" Dakota asks. I can tell he wanted to say something rude, but he's actually afraid.

"That we don't have to change. Being in Glee is about being who you are. We're glad we're different." She steps closer, flaunting her short height difference in his face. "We don't need you. And I'm taller than you."

He sighs. "Barely." He grumbles.

"They said 's booty was too big." Mercedes struts by, back to her place.

"Curtis Mayfield was more successful after he got paralyzed actually." Artie follows her example and if there's a wheelchair strut…Artie's got it.

"Jim Abbott." Finn grins as Martin and I walk by, back to our places in line. "He was a one-armed pitcher for the Yankees. Pitched a no-hitter." He chuckles goofily.

"I heard about him." Martin nods. "That's pretty badass."

"Totally." Finn nods his own agreement.

I look at Dakota; he's lost and just doesn't get it. That's fine. "You can go now. We don't need you here. And since you didn't teach us anything…the school keeps all the money we made to pay you with." I smirk.

"Sayonara!" Martinez shouts.

* * *

><p>I pass Rachel's room that night, her door is partially cracked. Our dads are out of town so Santana has been spending the night.<p>

I hear the obvious sound of kissing. Ugh, I wish she wouldn't touch my sister.

"San,"

"I love you, I don't think you need a nose job or lose weight or anything. I love you." She sounded desperate for some reason.

"I love you too."

So this is how Santana acts when she and Rachel are alone. I slip into my room without a sound.

I guess this one time I can let being a worried big brother slide.


	4. Chapter 4

**AN: I know San is OOC, and I'm trying to keep her as IN character as possible but it's freakin hard! I like to have two people in any story I write have intelligent mutual conversations with each other. And with San I can't always do that because...well because she's Santana fuckin Lopez. But I am trying my best so bear with me.**

**DISCLAIM: I don't own Glee, obviously. If I did...I wouldn't have a total cast change for a new season. And be warned of total OOCness from mostly Santana.**

**I'm not a machine...I do make typing errors. Quite a bit actually.**

* * *

><p>I felt awful; I had for several days now. And I finally knew why. So I avoided people. I avoided Finn and my dads once they came back, even my brother. And I especially avoided Santana. She'd freak if she knew, I'm still freaking.<p>

I can't do this.

All the doubts in my head are starting to wear me down and make want to just get it over with. But I can't do that.

So I fake a smile and step into Glee, feeling bad about seeing Santana brighten at seeing me and then frowning when I didn't look at her. I stand by the piano, Sean on the other side. We take out sheet music and I smile harder, it's forced and it hurts but at least I have something else to put my worry into.

"This…is the alto part." I feel all my problems start to swell again, but I bite back my tears.

"Yep. Tina is going to be doing the solo this week." Mr. Shue hands Tina her sheet music and she looks around worriedly.

I swallow my words. Pretty much everyone in here besides Martin, Sean, and Santana already think the worst of me. "Fine." I toss the paper down, I'll study it later. I ignore Santana's worried stare.

Sean watches me carefully, the choir room is silent. He leans closer and whispers to me. "Are you okay?"

"I'm fine." I snap. "I'm sure you'll do great Tina. Just make sure to practice more." I force a smile before glaring back down at the dark reflection of myself in the piano surface.

Why was life so mean to me? People already can't stand me so…why me?

I storm out. I can't help it. I can't deal with all my problems right now so I don't. I force them out of my head and away from myself. I don't need this.

* * *

><p><em>R u ok?<em>

_Why?_

_Cuz u wer actin totally weird in Glee._

_So?_

_…Cn u jus tell me if smthins up? I wanna b there 4 u._

_Well you can't._

_…Wat's tht suppose 2 mean?_

_I just need space Santana. Please._

_…ok…I'm here if u need me._

_Thank you._

_NP._

* * *

><p>I didn't mean to snap, but I just needed time to think, even though I didn't want to. I just needed space.<p>

So I avoid people for the rest of the day, practice my sheet music at home, and dodge Santana's still worried texts.

The next day I sit in the bleachers with Martinez, he'd wandered over after about an hour of blank staring before Kurt got here. He didn't say anything, he just sat quietly. He was hunched over, elbows on his knees and his hands together, neck craned so he could watch clearly.

It was like a sign of silent stability, which I was thankful for, especially right now.

All my fears fade as Kurt turn on his music and prepares to kick.

I can feel my eyes widen as he dances.

Martinez even sits up as he kicks and it flies right down the middle into the goal. "Holy shit." He mumbles.

I actually chuckle and nod, even though he can't see it.

We smile for Kurt's small victory.

"Rach?" He finally asks softly.

"Yeah?"

"I know." He turns to look at me. He almost looks just like Santana. His unruly curling hair matted down by a slim golden colored band. "It's okay. I'm not gunna make you talk or anything. But I am if you want to. Sometimes you can't talk your family or the person you're with. So…if you just wanna talk. I'll just listen." He stands and hops down the bleachers.

I ignore Finn and Quinn. She watches me with a strange look and actually brushes Finn off to follow me. "Berry?"

"Here to tear me down another peg Quinn?" I open my locker.

"No, actually." She seems defensive. "I just noticed you were acting weird before. You never give up a solo."

"Don't act like you care Quinn. You've done it before, it's old." I reply, taking a book out and closing my locker.

"Beat it Fabray." I try not to gasp, it's Santana. After all my work to avoid her, I can't now.

"Watch it S. I'd hate to see you end up at the bottom of the pyramid."

"Don't threaten me Q." Santana sneers. "I'm really not in the mood to go all Hillside on you today."

I huff roll my eyes, turning to walk away. Santana follows. "What's with all the avoiding and dodging shit Rach? If this is about what happened with Mercedes I already apologized. So I don't get why you're flipping like this." I press my back into the cool brick of a slowly secluding hallway.

"Santana please,"

"Quit shutting me out. I keep trying to show you I can be a better person, and I think you believe me but then you act like I did something wrong. You gotta talk to me here." It was still sweet how she spoke cultured around me now. At first it was all just slang.

"I'm pregnant." I whisper.

She blinks, opens her mouth…shuts it, then blinks again. "What?"

"You heard me."

She blinks harder and glances around, the hall it empty, we missed class. "How…that's not…I didn't…I'm sorry." She closes her eyes and lets her head drop.

"I'm not sure when but…I am."

"But…we used a condom."

"They do break San. They're only like ninety-eight percent effective. If that." I answer.

"…Since when?" Her brow furrows…I try not to smile.

"Since always I guess. They aren't made of plastic or metal San, they break all the time."

"Shit." She rubs her head. "You have to go to the doctor."

My heart lurches. "…What?"

She seems to realize. "No! No, not that. I mean to get a check-up." She shakes her head. "You have to be healthy." She thinks she has to get a job. My dads will pay once I explain. "Your brother…oh God…you're dads." She groans and rubs her face with her hands. "Aye Dios!"

"Let me worry about my dads and Sean. It'll be fine." I hope. I was under the firm belief Sean would either beat Santana to a pulp, or never speak to me again. Chances are he'd never speak to me again, because he can't hit girls, he thinks cowards do that.

"Aye Dios." Santana mumbles again, she makes a face…it's peculiar…almost like this is expected, but how could it be when she started insisting we use them after the first three times?

"I probably can't get to Julliard now." I sigh.

"Yes you can. I don't care what it takes or what I have to do, you're the only one with talent in this cow town, I'm not going to let you stay here and snuff it out." Santana responds quickly.

I lean against her shoulder and she runs her fingers through my hair.

"We're gunna figure this out, you're Rachel _Berry_ and I'm Santana fuckin Lopez." I giggle at her almost confidence. I would worry about the baby hearing but…it doesn't have any at this stage. I step back to look at her, she seems nervous but she smiles.

"What now?" I ask.

"Life goes on babe. We go to class, Glee, but now we go see doctors and get books cause…I don't know shit about kids." She scratched behind her ear.

I giggle. "I studied some stuff for health class."

"Badass." She smiles. "Come on, I'll take you home." She nods and holds out her hand. I'm usually totally against the idea of skipping, but today I think I deserve the off time.

I glance over her shoulder for a second and I see a blonde flash of hair spin around the corner. It was probably Britt looking for San.

* * *

><p><em>There's a play…should I sign up for it?<em>

_Do u wnt 2?_

_…I don't know…I feel like I need a distraction._

_So sign._

_I didn't mean I need a distraction from you._

_I no :]_

_:]_

_How's my lil mnstr?_

_Don't call it a monster San._

_I waz calld that. Legnd has it tht wen I came out of my Mom I clld the nurse fat._

_Lol you're awful._

_U still luv me tho._

_I do._

_:]_

* * *

><p>I sign up for an audition; I stick a gold star behind my name. I can still be on Broadway; I've worked too hard to let it go because of a setback like this.<p>

I shouldn't call it that, but it isn't a step forward.

I sing…and I sing my heart out. I ignore the worry in my heart about what I'll do. It's why I chose the song I did.

When Sandy says I got the part, something tells me he's jealous and a liar, he's pretending not to be impressed. So I smile and laugh in excitement just to get him going. He could never be as amazing as I am.

I would have jumped up and down but…I was worried that might do damage, however little.

* * *

><p><em>Do you think I can still practice my ballet stretches?<em>

_4 nw yea, later…nah._

_You're saying I'm going to get fat._

_Lol I'm sayin ur preggo. Tht fine body ain't jus urs anymore babe._

_…I know._

* * *

><p>I never wanted to actually admit it out loud. Like maybe if I didn't say it, it wasn't the whole truth.<p>

But it was…Santana was as blunt as Sean. And it was surprising to me, the warm tingle I got in my heart, when I had to finally admit it fully to myself.

I was going to be a mother, but I wanted to be a mom…a part of me wanted to keep it. But…I couldn't if Santana didn't want to.

Mr. Shue comes in after about ten minutes of stretching. He tried to make me feel like the bad guy, but I wouldn't let him.

"I didn't say I was quitting Glee, I'm simply doing something else where I can actually show my talent. But really it's not any different from what you did with your Boy Band."

"I didn't do it out of spite Rachel."

"I'm not doing this out of spite Mr. Schuester." I defend myself. "I'm happy for Tina, I am. But I'm dealing with too much right now for you to make me into some villain."

"Rachel,"

"I try to be a team player Mr. Shue, but just admit that you don't like me very much." He didn't.

"That isn't true Rachel. I'm your biggest," he sighs. "And sometimes your only fan besides Sean."

"That's hurtful and untrue." I snap, thinking of my dads, Santana, Martinez, and even Puck. "And I know I can be difficult to be around, I know that. But so is Sean and so is Martin and Puck. I'm not the only one. Quit picking me out. I'm not perfect." Even though Santana always made me feel like I was.

He blinks.

"I know I can act like I'm the sun and the moons, but I'm offended that you'd judge me on that rather than the fact that I actually have talent."

He tries to talk, but I'm not finished.

"I know it sounds horrible, but Sean and I are the best, we've worked the hardest, and we want it the most." We deserve to be the lead.

"Everyone knows that Rachel, and it scares them. Being a team player is all about taking one for the team, letting somebody else step in and have a chance in the spotlight, that's what this club is supposed to be about. They think you and Sean will pick up their weight, which isn't fair to either of you and we can't win that way."

I sigh and turn away from him, going to my cubby and getting my bag. "I get it, I really do. I hope Tina does really well." But my ego won't let me not, not have a lead.

"…Just come to rehearsal?"

I watch him for a moment, he feels as tired as I do. "I'll think about it." I turn and leave. I just want to sleep, I'm tired.

* * *

><p>I'm in the parking lot, almost to my car, when I spot Santana and Martinez, they' standing near the school on the sidewalk. They're talking to a blonde man in camouflage pants and army boots who looks somehow familiar. He's holding a small boy's hand who has strawberry bronze hair.<p>

Santana makes harsh hand movements; she's trying to stress something important.

"San?" I call.

She whips around. "Rachel, how long have you been there?"

"Less than a minute, why?"

She glances over at the blonde man before she looks back at me. "I'll drive you home."

"I brought my car."

"I'll drive. Martin, you wanna come or are you going home?" San asks as she walks closer. He follows quickly, waving at the man who smiles kindly and waves back.

Once we're in the car, martin in the back seat and Santana behind the wheel and myself in the passenger seat, I wait until we're on the road before I ask.

"Who was that man?"

She sighs. "That's Britt's older brother. He's in the army. That boy was his son Jace. His wife and his son look just alike, her name is Delilah."

"Okay?" I'm unsure where this is going.

"He was in the same place we were. Pregnant at sixteen." From Martin's silence he must already know about the situation…was that what he meant on the football field the other day? "After Jace was born he enlisted in the army and got in once he graduated high school."

"Santana, don't tell me you're joining the army." I was scared she'd say she would. But she chuckles and shakes her head.

"No, but…knowing other people have been where we are now…it just proves we can do this Rach." She smiles, eyes on the road still. "With your personality and my ability to lay down the law?" She pauses. "We gots this babe."

I smile.

"But I'll get a job; I'll sell movies or whatever." She looks at me once we stop at a red light. "Whatever it takes to take care of you." She tightens her hands on the wheel. "I'll do it. Whatever it takes to make sure you go to Julliard…I'll do it. I'll go with you to the doctor and help you buy clothes…I've seen dead-beats Rachel. I may be a badass Hispanic, but I'm not a loser." It was charming to see how intelligent she could speak when she wasn't around other kids in school.

"I know." I smile goofily, looking down as the car starts moving, my hands brush my hardened stomach. It wouldn't be easy, but I have Santana, and Sean, and Martinez.

"Shit." I hiss.

"What?" They ask at the same time.

I blink harder as I look up at the road. "…I still have to tell Sean."

* * *

><p>I decide not to tell Sean right away. He's playing with the football team to help get people to join Glee and the hockey team.<p>

He practiced hard…if I told him now…he'd only be distracted and worry. He has enough to deal with, especially with keeping Puck in line.

Martin said he'd have to try and keep him from strangling Santana when he found out.

But for now…I basked in the feeling that I'd be in the stands, cheering on not just my brother, but his best friend and my girlfriend. However un-secret about it we were.

But somehow…news gets out…and suddenly Quinn Fabray knows I'm pregnant.

And I find this out as I'm heading for my locker between classes when suddenly she's in my face not three inches back. "What's up man-hands?"

"Quinn, I'm not in the mood for your lame attempts at insults." I side step her. "They suck, and they make me want to send you to a proper speech class."

"Whose is it?" She's blunt, right to the point, and I know exactly what she's talking about. How could I not?

"I don't know what you're talking about." I brush her off again.

"That parasite in your stomach." She snaps softly. "Whose is it?"

"If you're implying you think its Finn, you're wrong."

She stands in front of me. "I know it's not his. He lasts three minutes, usually less. So who?"

"Why do you care?"

"Just answer me Berry."

"…I can't."

"Is it Puck's?"

I shake my head.

"Martin's?"

I look at her like she's grown three extra heads. She shrugs.

"I figured. So who?"

"I'm not telling you, it's none of your business. Leave me alone." I hiss as I side step her again and head down a hall way.

"Well let's call the Vatican; McKinley has the new Virgin Mary." Quinn calls, and before she can say more I drag her down the hall I was heading to class for. "Tell me who."

"Why does it matter?" I snap. "I can't tell you! It'd ruin their lives forever Quinn. Everyone knows you can't keep a secret."

"Like what they did to you doesn't ruin your life?"

"It doesn't, I still have a chance."

"You'd have to give the thing up for that."

"It's not a thing Quinn, it's a child. And I have every intention of keeping it with the other parent." I don't understand what her issue is. Was she jealous the news of my pregnancy would take away from her high school fame game?

She stares at me for a long hard moment before I turn and head to class, there's a roll of thunder, I look outside to see the swollen bellied clouds flash with lighting. They're dark gray and they look angry. I hurry to class.

I pass Santana in the hall who gives me a worried look and then glares down the hall at who I could only assume was Quinn.

* * *

><p><em>R u ok?<em>

_Yes, why?_

_Wat did Q say 2 u?_

_She kept asking who the 'father' was._

_…Did u tell her?_

_Of course not._

_…I'm gunna take care of u Rach._

_I know._

_I think Quinn likes you._

_Lol yeah right San._

_…Hm…_

* * *

><p>I cheer with the other fans. I clap and shout and laugh. Santana keeps looking at me and grins a lot. I look back on the field, the game is starting. I can see Finn talking and Puck makes a face and says something.<p>

He winces when Sean punches him in the shoulder and says something in his ear. Puck frowns and his mouth makes a tight line. They slam on their helmets and take their places.

Sean is number 21 and Martinez is number 1.

They lose for most of the game. And Santana keeps looking at me, which makes it easier for Quinn to find me and shoot a suspicious look at Santana. I shoot her a text and she rolls her eyes and turns away.

I don't know why they pretend to be friends.

But then I see Finn hold up a hand and circle it.

Single Ladies stars crackling through the speakers, I can't help but bring my hands to my face in surprise. I cover my grin as I see Sean and Martinez are taking it very serious and as a unit the whole team is actually pretty good.

Santana laughs out loud; her head goes back for a moment. And for a moment I wonder if the baby will look like her. It'd be adorable if it did. But I couldn't picture San as a baby; she seemed far too…adult rated to be a kid.

She turns and waves for me to come down, what's she doing?

I stand and make my way to the stairs, taking them one step at a time. Dad and daddy didn't come because, as much as they love us, they didn't want to see people laugh and point at Sean while he performed. But he needed somebody so…here I am. I stand behind the Cheerios, feet away.

She moves to pull me forward, coming back to take my hand and shooting her HBIC glare at all the curious eyes that look away nervously, besides Quinn. I watch as the team gets back into formation, Finn hikes the ball, and Martinez takes off down the field.

I never noticed how little Martin was. But he's thin and lean and his legs work like gears as he glances over his shoulder for the ball.

McKinley holds its breath as Finn throws the ball.

Martin stops and opens his arms, the ball lands snugly inside them and he runs the rest of the way, jumping over another player that dives for his legs.

This is McKinley's first touchdown since God-knows-when. The crowds cheer and chant and scream. And my excitement gets the best of me and I jump up and down before Santana stops me.

"The baby." She whispers into my ear. I nod, but I can't help my grin as I shout with the others.

Martinez waves at us as he jogs back to the team. He must feel so proud of himself; Sean smacks him on the back. Guys have a brunt way of showing pride in themselves and each other.

Santana pulls me back into her chest, I don't question it. Maybe this is her way of coming out to the school about us.

When Kurt kicks the ball, it's amazing, stellar almost. This is our first win in a very long time. Like maybe years. I want to cheer like before, but I just shout and clap and grin as I hear his father shouting with pride, louder than anybody else in the stands.

Santana pulls me away from the others. From all the screaming and cheering hordes of people that can actually shout with pride tonight.

"You're not cold or nuthin' right?"

I shake my head. "I'm actually quite snug, so I imagine the little seedling is comfy in their larval stage."

"Ew, don't make it sound like a science project Rach."

I giggle. "Well it kind of is isn't it?"

"I guess." She smirks and pulls me closer. "But it's our science project."

"Lame." I mumble against her lips.

"I know," she frowns. "I'm lacking in good comebacks lately, it freakin sucks."

"Shut up and kiss me." I grin.

"Badass." She kisses me, in front of everyone, but hardly anybody seems surprised, or maybe they didn't notice.

She pulls back for a second so we can breathe, and for a second I look over her shoulder to see Quinn walking away with slumped shoulders. Britt trailing after her, as well as a confused Finn Hudson.

* * *

><p>It's the night after, Santana is next to me.<p>

Sean's eyes are wide and glaring. It took all of ten minutes to tell him everything. But as I expected, when I got to, "I'm pregnant." He jumped up.

"What!" His voice goes so high it's almost a screech. "What did you do to my sister you little she-devil!" He snarls at Santana.

I step between them and push him back towards the kitchen. Martinez taking my place beside his sister.

"Rachel, I swear to God if this is some sick joke I will tell dad and I'll tell Auntie Muriel too! And you know how she is!"

"It's not a joke." I shush him. "It's real. You think I'd make a joke like this about my own life? I can show you the sonogram from when we go."

He takes a deep wavering breath. "…Are you keeping it?"

"You mean an abortion?" I ask fearfully.

"What?" He looked at me like I'd just asked if he was the pope. "No. I mean keeping it as in not giving it up for adoption."

"I can't…I don't know who the baby would go to and I think once I explain it to dad and daddy they'll be more than supportive. Santana wants to keep it." We'd talked about it several times before I went to sleep over this last week.

He sighs. "I don't like this situation, but you're my sister…guess that means I'm gunna be an uncle." He gives me a silly smile. "Alright, I'll help you out with paying the bills. I'm sure Santana can't pay them all."

I smile happily and drag him back into the room. I know he's shooting a hateful glare at San, but he'll get over it.

Later that night Santana gives me a small stuffed lion her mother bought her when she was six. "It meant a lot to me. I never had nightmares when I slept with it, and if I couldn't sleep all I had to do was hold it and I'd be dead to the world in like…five minutes. It's probably sucked up some of my badass-ness." She grins.

"Thank you. You are if nothing else a royal badass." I kiss the tip of her nose and she grins wider.

"Totes."

* * *

><p>The next morning Martin meets me at my locker. His hair is pushed out of his face and held in place by another head band, leaving the ends of his hair free to flip and turn and curl whichever way they please.<p>

He smiles as he pulls something out of his bag. "Our Papi gave me this when I was born." He holds up a little sheep. It's worn and it's once white wool has a dirt smudge or two and an eye looks like it's been re-patched but it's holding up well for its age. "I want my niece or nephew to have it when they're born. I used to cry without this." His soft accent makes him even more adorable than usual.

"Thank you Martin." I open my hand and he places it carefully, with all the tenderness one should treat a childhood toy with. "It means a lot that you and San are here for me." Especially my own brother.

"Hey Lopez," I groan internally, why now. I turn to look at Quinn. "Man-hands."

"Quit calling her that." Martin snaps.

"Hmm you know…I've been kind of nauseas in the morning."

"Must be a bug." I smile half-heartedly.

"Yeah maybe. Wow Berry, you look different. Have you been gaining weight or something?"

"We know you know about the pregnancy Barbie. Quit stepping out of line and leave Rachel alone. What did she ever do to you? Don't you think she has enough to deal with?" Martin makes a face at the cheerleader.

Quinn eyes me for a moment, my smile has dropped and now it's just a frown, she sighs softly and shrugs. "Whatever." She looks at me again before leaving.

Martin hums thoughtfully. "If I didn't know that Lucy Quinn better I'd say she had a crush on you." He scoffs. "But I do know her better so that's impossible." He looks at me with a smile. "Let's go to practice. I hear we're getting some new guys." He lets me go first.

Santana had mentioned it first, and now her brother was too. Maybe Quinn did like me, which sucked for her I suppose, because I felt no attraction in any way towards her. I mean yeah she's pretty but…come on, Santana Lopez is hot.

She smirks at me as I step into the room. She has all the right moves and she isn't afraid of what people think of her. She holds out her hand and I take it. It's now publically official; I think everyone must have known and was just too afraid of her to mention it.

I ignore Quinn's gaze as Mr. Shue comes in with Mike Chang, Matt Rutherford, and most shocking…Noah.

"Let's go Regionals." He grins, getting a round of applause from the rest of us.

Thing weren't looking so bad…not right now anyways.

We're practicing Tonight from West Side Story. I smile when Tina's called. She looks at me but I just nod for her to go ahead. I wrap my arms around Santana's and rest my head on her shoulder. Why over work myself?

Like San had told me on so many nights out, _"Peoples gotta enjoy the little things."_

So I stick on the play with Mr. Sandy. I take more practices with him; I already know all my lines for the background singing I'll be doing with Britt and Kurt.

It's extra time spent not worrying about all the little things and just enjoying my talent and letting it get used for something I actually like.

But…I do feel more alone.

For now…I think that's normal.


	5. Chapter 5

**AN:Okay...I know I'm leaving some people out but it's hard to add more characters in with Sean's POV. He isn't as active as his siter so he doesn't see as many members of Glee outside of it.**

**I got a review on my first fic ever mocking my writing style. So I'll tell everybody here now...I write the way I do so **_everybody_** can read it properly. Not everybody can read long sections. Even I lose interest in a story that has them. I use this style for everybody. If you find it to simple, please move on to the chapters that are giant run-ons and try and read those. Don't complain to me about my style when it's just me consider **_all_** of you.**

**DISCLAIM: I don't own Glee, obviously. If I did...I wouldn't have a total cast change for a new season. And be warned of total OOCness from mostly Santana.**

**I'm not a machine...I do make typing errors. Quite a bit actually.**

* * *

><p>It's strange…having a pregnant sister I mean. I mean…if being related to a pregnant chick was this wacked out, I wonder how the mother's feel. Martinez was a lot cooler about it than I was.<p>

He had, after all, grown up with Santana and her once a month 'condition'.

But I push all the little things aside and focus on singing right now. Rachel hasn't been in the mood to sing much lately, probably because every few times she opens her mouth she feels the righteous urge to vomit.

So…Quinn is singing…and it's not that it's bad. Quinn is a very good singer. She could be totally mind blowing if she wasn't sharp on high notes and her voice didn't get al nasally when she hit a note to high. I wonder if she's ever broken her nose before…

We're still trying to perfect 'Don't Stop Believing'. So far…not so great. I think to myself as Rachel bolts out the door.

Everyone looks to me as San follows her out. "What? I guess she ate something bad. Do I look like my sister's stomach sac?" I snap, thinking about her kid…it even made me nervous and I wasn't even going through it.

Quinn gives me a hard look and I return it. I'm not one of those kids in that long line that are scared of her.

"Can we please talk about the giant elephant in the room?" Kurt asks with a sigh.

"Your sexuality?" Quinn asks nastily.

"Um, no sweetie how about yours." Kurt smirks at her worried look. I knew Quinn was gay…or bisexual or whatever. She was as obvious as Kurt, but because of her title…nobody looks at her twice unless she talks to them. "Rachel…we need her to sing this song. I don't mean any offense to Quinn but Rachel can hit notes none of us can."

"Kid's right. Rachel might be annoying sometimes but she's got a killer voice." I hear Puck agree.

"Rachel is too tired. Going between the play and Glee isn't healthy, on top of all her classes." Martinez glances around, his accent getting deeper for a moment. "What, I'm just saying."

"We can do this if Rachel doesn't want to sing. We'll layer voices; she can sing back up and pick up the higher notes with Quinn so it isn't as noticeable." Was it in Quinn's history that she had a nasal issue?

"That might work for the invitational. But not the sectionals and definitely not the regionals." Artie cuts in. I glance at Quinn to see how she feels…or what she's feeling.

Her head is down and she looks thoughtful, not hurt like I thought she would. She must think Rachel can do as good a job as all the others seem to be regretfully stating. She hasn't been the same, and neither has Santana or Quinn. Or even Puck actually.

"We'll make this thing work." Mr. Shue seems certain. Nobody else looks like they agree, I notice as I glance around again at all the skeptical faces. "Let's take a break alright? Cool our heads off."

I sit between Martin and Puck when Santana comes in, she smiles at Martin before making a beeline for the teacher. They have a short chat where Mr. Shue's eyes widen in shock and suddenly they're talking more urgently and Santana is nodding and he looks calmer. She must have given him the short version of why Rachel kept running out.

The subtle yet simple, 'Rachel's preggo' version.

This version left her out totally besides the fact that they were together and she was helping Rachel out. It would be social suicide to admit to having a 'condition' like that. She'd have to switch to that all girls academy.

Santana waves to us as she leaves quickly, rushing by a blonde man coming in. We wave back and then watch the man curiously. He has a short kid next to him with a weird hair color. It's like shiny rust almost.

"Hey I'm Britt's older brother; I have to take her home early today." The man shakes Mr. Shue's hand.

"Oh that's fine. She just needs to practice her lines for the song we're doing now Mr.," He smiles as he waits.

"Oh! You can call me Todd. This is my son Jace." Todd smiles bright and pats his son's head affectionately. Jace must be only about Rachel's height. Cause Todd towers over him at about Finn tall. They don't look anything alike though…he must look like his mom.

Brittany is grabbing her bag and slinging it over her shoulder and hopping over to her brother and nephew who grins up at her with lime green eyes. She ruffles his hair and leads him out. I highly doubt Britt is stupid…sometimes she's actually really smart. I bet she knew about San and my sister before they did.

Todd leaves after a few minutes…Jace will now be in Glee simply for an extra activity after school. His parents will switch days as long as he can be here every practice. He doesn't count as a member but…I hope he has some skill and not a kid that belts a tune in that scratchy pitch when they try a high note.

I text Santana when Glee is over.

* * *

><p><em>Where are you two?<em>

_Home. She's tkin a nap._

_Your place or ours?_

_Urs._

_Okay. I'll be there in a few with Martin._

_Kewl dnt make 2 much noise_

_Rachel's room is soundproofed._

_…I thought she waz kiddin._

_Nope. We almost got sued because of her  
>singing all the time so…<em>

_…_

_Don't even think about it!_

_;) Thnk abt wa?_

_You bitch._

_So thy tell me._

* * *

><p>The next day Santana says she has an appointment with Ms. Pillsbury, she won't say for what.<p>

When I got home last night Martin and I found Santana on the couch watching old black and white cartoons and when I went to check…Rachel was fast asleep tucked under her blanket. It still killed me to see how much Santana cared.

It killed me because I hadn't seen anything first. But I don't own my sister so I can't tell her what to do. And it seems like she's honestly happy for the first time in what could have been a long time. But I didn't see it. My sister jumped from a kid to an adult right in front of my eyes.

I must have been blinking pretty fast the whole time.

* * *

><p>I pass Ms. Pillsbury's clear glass walled office and I see her smile encouragingly to Santana who has a small grin, nodding.<p>

There's a pat on my shoulder and I look around to see Martinez, he has no headband on so his hair is wild, he looks past me into the office. "What's this about Chico?"

I shrug. "No idea but it must be something good is Ms. Pillsbury can make Santana Lopez smile." People loved Emma…people hated Emma. Martin and I were part of half the school that loved her. She really was good at her job. Even for the kids that hated her guts.

He chuckles and smacks my shoulder. "Come on." We turn away and head down the hall. I flinch when Santana races by me. "Watch it!" Martin shouts after his little sister.

"Whatever!" San calls back, turning a corner and vanishing from sight. I look at Martinez he just sighs and shoots me an apologetic grin; nobody can change Santana except for one Rachel Berry.

We turn the corner and make small talk over what songs we want to sing and the ones we're sure to get from Mr. Shue. We pass a whimpering Jacob Ben Israel who's holding his now broken glasses. "Dude," somebody actually finally hit him…bout time. "Awesome." I grin at Martin.

Martin and I peer into the classroom Jacob ran out of and we see Rachel and Santana talking. Rachel has a huge smile on her face. We only catch bits and pieces because they're at the back of the class and we don't want to get caught.

"-that's great, you could-"

"Totes. I really thought-"

"Don't worry about-"

Rachel pulls Santana closer, arms around her neck. They're mumbling now and we can't hear…but I feel like an intruder, so I grab Martinez and pull him away. I can't keep my sister safe like I used to, sure I can tackle bullies and break noses…but its Santana's job to really protect her now.

But still…it kills me.

* * *

><p>There's a blonde lady beside Mr. Shue. She looks a little to skinny but she's pretty.<p>

Another rhyme! I'm good!

Rachel sits between Santana and me. Britt sits on Santana's left with Jace on her lap and Martin sits next to me with Puck next to him.

"Guys, girls…I'd like to introduce you to Ms. April Rhodes." He smiles over at her…ah, so she's an old flame. Funny thing about those is you always look at them like you used to unless they totally screwed you over. "She'll be joining glee club."

"M-Mr. Shue t-this,"

"Seems like a terrible idea." Artie finishes for Tina.

I hear Mercedes hum in agreement and a mumble from Kurt. "Mr. Shue we get it…but she's no Rachel." He sounds like he's shrugging.

"Who's that?" April asks curiously.

All eyes turn to the center of the line, Rachel raises her hand halfway and the other stays across her still growing belly. "That's me. It's very nice to meet you ma'am."

April smiles sweetly. "Aww she's adorable. Look at her; she has doe eyes and everything. It's nice to meet you too."

Rachel grins.

"Why aren't you singing?"

"I haven't felt like it. I don't mind if other people take the lead. I'm too tired to try so hard right now. Please, go ahead; you won't get any argument from me." Rachel shrugs off the strange looks she's getting. Her hormones are making her a lot calmer than before.

"Well thank ya sweet pea!" April shrugs off her jacket. "Hey Tinkles, gimme _Maybe This Time_, B flat." She hands her jacket to Mr. Shue and points to us. "I better not catch any of ya snoozing!"

**"Maybe this time,  
>I'll be lucky.<br>Maybe this time,  
>he'll stay."<strong>

She wasn't better or worse than Rachel. They had a different style of tune…but given the time Rachel started singing and dancing…they had about the same training. They were equals…or just about. Rachel had sung that song last night, it felt a little ironic.

When April is done she hits a high soprano note. And that's the difference. Rachel's voice is soothing but powerful, April's is strong and high…almost like Jazz.

"Wow." Martin whispers from beside me before Rachel stands and claps, leading the rest of us to follow and applaud the performance.

April grins. "Smoke that." She chuckles.

* * *

><p>…I thought April would be…better than how she is. But first impressions never do seem to last do they? No…of course they don't.<p>

April Rhodes is a drunk. She's an addict. She can't go cold turkey, she's needs honest help. Before she drags down everybody in Glee club along with her on her crash course of chaos.

She tried to get to Martinez and I, but he knew what she was before I even had my idea.

"Chica," Martin finally tells her on her third attempt to win us over. "Quit trying so hard. You're a lady…act like it. Quit getting drunk and teaching the others how to do bad things. And you're totally wrong for having sex with under aged teens." She just stares at him. "If you respect yourself at all…you'll back off. Treat yourself with some dignity." He brushes by her.

April blinks and looks up at me. "You gunna tell me off too?"

"He wasn't telling you off. April you have star potential…you're wasting it. You don't have to be a bad influence to get the Glee club to listen to you. Teens need positive adults…half these kids are already on their way to dropping out or not even going to college. They don't need your encouragement for that." I follow after Martin.

She also tries to win over Santana and Quinn, neither fall for it…and Brittany just didn't get it.

Jace wasn't an actual member of the club because he was only nine so she didn't even try that one.

And Mr. Shue knew none of this; he was blinded by self- justification and greed. Or as it's typically called by the smarter peoples, 'The human condition'.

* * *

><p>I walk with Santana to pick up Rachel. We're all going to a movie right after, a comedy to help keep Rachel relaxed. Martin and Puck are going with us, Puck doesn't know Rachel's situation but he does know something is up and he wants to help. Because, and I quote, <em>"You're my bro, and a fellow Jew. Which automatically makes Rachel cool with me. I got her back. She's like my Jewish Princess."<em>

We only step in the doorway in time to see Mr. Sandy snap at Rachel and Santana and I both tense and lean forward. It still kills me. But before we can do anything, Rachel is defending herself…Santana really is changing her…it fucking kills me.

"I know what you're doing. You're too obvious. And you should know it won't work." She snaps back. "You want me to quit so you can take the lead, but I'm not going anywhere. No me gusta." She hisses at him.

"…You're teaching her Spanish?" I look down at Santana who nods with a smirk as she watches my sister.

"I make it easier than Mr. Shue does." Her smirk widens when Rachel spots us and blushes a bright red. She steps closer and Santana reaches out to take her hand. "Nice to see you using what I taught you."

Rachel grins. "You're always telling me to stand up for myself; I was just following your lesson plan."

Santana chuckles. "Look at you, a little badass in the makin. It's fuckin awesome." I notice her hands go to Rachel's stomach and I look away again to shoot Mr. Sandy a glare as I follow them out.

I don't know how to deal with not being the one Rachel talks to, not being the one who can defend her and tackle jocks in the hall when they're mean to her. I don't know how to deal with it. Rachel used to call me her hero…now…I'm just Sean.

It fuckin kills me.

* * *

><p>I sit in the chairs in the choir room and watch Rachel and Santana rehearse.<p>

"I'm sleeping with him." Rachel is a great actress.

"So am I." Santana nods before frowning and making a disgruntled noise. "Ay Dios this play is fuckin weird."

Rachel just giggles at her words…I still didn't understand. "That's Mr. Ryerson's favorite part." She turns and hops onto the piano top. Santana slides around to slip up by her side. "Thanks for helping me out though Santana."

"No probs babe, I'm an awesome actress. I gots this." Santana purses her lips and Rachel leans in to give her a small kiss. Which makes the Latina grin like a fool. "Dinner?"

"Of course." Rachel giggles and they're rubbing noses and leaning aginst each other all lovely dovey and I feel like an alien as I watch. This is different and new and it's scary to see how Rachel is with Santana. I look away…I hate feeling unwelcome in my own sister's life…but this is something totally different. I hate being on the outside looking in.

I'm lonely.

* * *

><p>Ms. Pillsbury catches Kurt walking drunk through the halls the next morning…and I know who it was…and Kurt knew who it was…and you better believe Emma knew it too. Because Kurt had, after all, called her Bambi's mother and then proceeded to puke his guts out over her legs and feet.<p>

Poor Emma.

But who else would have given sweet little Kurt alcohol _in_ the school? Who could be so stupid? Or blind maybe? April could be.

So she talks to Mr. Shue…but because he is who he is he's blind sighted by his human condition. He forgets he's a teacher; he wants to think the way he did in high school. But he really needs to understand that he's an adult now.

And I know about this conversation because Ms. Sue has set up mics through the major parts of the school. And I know that because Santana told us, Martin and Puck and I. She didn't tell Rachel because she would have been looking around trying to find said cameras.

Santana relayed what she'd heard from her weekly tape searches.

Glee isn't as fun as it should be.

* * *

><p>I find Rachel storming in a bathroom when I'm on my way to the club today. She'd been working overtime on the play…but it was running her ragged because she was forcing herself to sing when she didn't feel the music. That must hurt.<p>

I follow her in, the girls inside screech their disgust at me and I look at them like they're nuts. "Chill out! You act like I walked in on you changing your tampons or something! Beat it!" I snap; I almost smile at the embarrassed outraged looks on their faces.

Rachel presses a tissue to her face, getting rid of the tear stains. "You should have done that." She mumbles through her deep frown.

"They're Cheerios, I'm sure they're biggest fantasy is for some guy to walk in on them during a 'girl chat'. What happened with you?" I ask quickly. I totally brush off her first question. Somebody made my sister cry…I had to punch somebody in the face. I felt like a big brother again.

But the feeling is short lived…Santana bursts through the door, cell phone in hand. It takes me only a moment to realize she's texted Santana…not me. She was going to leave me in the dark on this one. I look at her as Santana brushes her tears away and asks her who did this to her.

She answers right away, only sparing me a second glance.

I leave quietly.

I hear from Puck later about how Santana manhandled Mr. Sandy for being rude to her girlfriend.

I'm just Sean now…I'm not her hero and I'm barely her big brother. Everything is different now.

It fucking _kills_ me!

* * *

><p>I lock my door and turn up my music when I get home. I hear Rachel knock and ask to come in, but I just turn my music up higher…she leaves me alone.<p>

I text Santana as Cameras by Matt and Kim blares through the speakers…thinking of the fighting in the video actually calms me down as my thumbs tap the letters on my keyboard.

_Leave Rachel alone._

_She's my girlfriend, nt happinin._

_I'm serious._

_So m I. she's havin my kid._

My stomach churned when I remembered that.

_Santana…_

_Dude wats ur deal? 4 rlz_

_She's my sister…she used to look up to me._

_She still does._

_No she doesn't. You're her knight in shining fucking armour._

_…Srry._

_…I used to be the one she came to with all her problems._

_I no._

_…Now I'm not._

_…I no._

_Whatever._

_I'm srry. I get it._

_No you don't._

_Look she's havin my kid. I luv her even mor 4 tht._

_…_

_I'm gunna do watevr it takes 4 them. Understand tht._

I close my phone and stare at my ceiling section. I did understand, but maybe that's why it hurt so much. Maybe I was just being a selfish kid. But she's my sister…I can't help it. I don't want to see her get hurt. Especially not by Santana.

I scratch the golden tattoo on my arm and stare at the golden swirls that have been stuck up there for as long as I can remember. What I don't remember is when I fall asleep.

* * *

><p>I shot Martin a look across the piano as the others tried to think up a reason as to why Rachel was acting the way she was. He smirked and shrugged it off.<p>

"You're all not seriously that stupid are you?" Puck asks from the back, they look at him. He stands and walks around the piano towards the front. "Ever think that maybe Rachel's got a bun in the oven?" He snickers.

"Rachel? By who?" Mercedes asks with a grin at Kurt who giggles girlishly.

Puck shrugs. "All I know is she's dating Santana, maybe it's Martin's." He laughs at Martinez who glares at him.

"Fuckin loco." He seethes and shouts in Spanish at the others too, '_What the fuck are you staring at! It's not mine! I wouldn't do that to Santana and I'm not even attracted to Rachel, shut the fuck up and get out of my face!_' He leaves the room and I can almost see the storm cloud hanging over his head.

Quinn walks in with Britt and Jace on her tail, and even Finn. Are they still dating? Quinn and Finn I mean…because it really doesn't seem like it. "Are we doing this thing or what?" Quinn snaps.

"Yeah, eventually. Sorry Quinn, Glee just got its first drop of real drama." Kurt grins.

"Hell nah this is a scandal." Mercedes jumps in. This isn't going to go over well…Quinn thinks Rachel and Santana are just mutual 'fuck buddies'. Or she just prefers to think that.

"What's up?" Finn asks curiously.

"Rachel's pregnant."

"…What?"

"I already knew that."

"I think it's cute."

"Is Rachel that short girl?"

There's a chorus of chatter and it's shocking that even most of Glee didn't know, but now…everyone will. I look around to see Quinn watching me with a curiously hard stare.

"But who's the baby's daddy?" Artie mumbles.

"I hear Santana is taking care of it." Mercedes looks around. "Kudos to her, I couldn't do something like that." She hummed to herself.

I watch as Quinn's face crumples like burning paper and darkens around the edges until she just looks angry. She leaves quietly and the small talk resumes. I knew Quinn liked Rachel.

It's after Glee I spot Santana dropping something off with Ms. Pillsbury. Rachel is waiting by the door. I stand back and watch as Quinn storms down the hall as Santana leads Rachel back to her locker to get her stuff for the night. I flinch when Quinn smacks Santana hard in the face. "It's always about you isn't it Santana." She snaps.

Shockingly enough…she doesn't hit Quinn back. She rolls her jaw and smirks. "You're one to talk." They slide past each other and I sigh, letting my head clang back against the lockers. I wasn't my sister's hero anymore and that was something I had to get used to. Santana was part of the family now…a major part to Rachel.

…It just fucking kills me.

* * *

><p>Rachel still didn't feel like singing, but she dropped the play. Turns out that paper file she gave to Emma was an application for a music scholarship to Julliard.<p>

Lucky we have enough to do it without her, but I still wish that April chick would beat it. She's just causing trouble…and what's worse she shows up drunk for tonight's show. How awesome was this going to be!

I watch Rachel coo over how amazing Santana looks in her outfit with her hair down and her cowgirl hat on. Santana is grinning and turning circles, making Rach swoon. When April starts to warm up, Rachel decides that's her cue to go. I turn away when Santana pulls her back in for a hard kiss before she can leave.

San stands beside me, I watch her shoot my sister a wink as she leaves. It was still too much to stomach…it was _Santana_…ugh.

I glance around to see Mr. Shue pull April aside for a moment, and when she laughs it off…he finally seems to realize…once an addict always an addict until you get real help. Just taking a chick out bowling and telling her about your old crush would never do the trick.

What? You really think Sue wouldn't have a mic on the Glee club teacher too?

But actually…the song goes off without a hitch. And it makes it better to see Rachel and my dads clapping and grinning up at us in the middle of the third row once we're finished. But then her eyes slide over…I take a look to my right; Santana is waving at them with a huge grin.

I guess I didn't see as much as I thought I did. I thought I owned a pair of all seeing eyes…but I don't. I may as well be blind for all the things I miss.

* * *

><p>Mr. Shue doesn't say much about why April isn't coming back, but I'm pretty sure he finally told her to get help and go.<p>

"What are we going to do now?" Artie looks up at the rest of us.

"Y-yeah Mr. Schuster, now we c-can't go on at all." Tina frowns; I turn to look back at Rachel who seems unsure. I stare at her for a long moment…she doesn't look back. I turn back to the group.

I try and pretend not to notice Santana ease back to talk to her. I pretend I'm not looking when I look around the room. I wonder if I'm a bad actor when I feel this upset.

Rachel has her hands on Santana's shoulders and the Latina has her hands on my sister's waist. They're whispering to each other and I pretend not to realize how intimate they always seems to be…how alien I feel to watch them just to make sure this isn't a mean joke to notice it isn't.

"I can tell them something, I dunno. I'm sorry guys." Mr. Shue smiles halfheartedly.

I see Rachel step up beside me, I don't need to look to feel Santana's hovering presence behind her. "I can sing Mr. Schuster." She smiles meaningfully.

"Are you sure you're up to it?"

Rachel nods. "I still don't feel very good but, if I let everyone down when they needed me the most…it'd be the most selfish thing I'd ever do. And I couldn't live with that kind of guilt. So I'm happy to help." I see Santana slid up behind her and wrap her in her arms and rest her chin atop my sister's head. "Its natural practice on Broadway that the understudy steps in when the star steps out or can't perform." I don't turn my head to look at them fully.

"Sweet, let's do this then!" Puck grins, standing and patting Rachel's shoulder carefully.

There's a murmur of agreement, even from a still steaming Quinn Fabray.

Mr. Shue grins at our enthusiasm, but still Quinn mumbles something about the choreography. Santana huffs and holds Rachel tighter. "We'll just have to dance less and give her a lot of help. It ain't a big deal."

"Let's do this then guys." Mr. Shue grins a toothy grin. This must be the best feeling he's had in a long time…maybe since wondering about finding April a week ago.

We shuffle out onto the stage; I stare at the curtain before lowering my head. Martinez is starting off the song this time; his accent gives him a smoother tone.

The lights turn on and Martin turns, his hair bound by a headband to keep it out of his eyes.

"**_Can_**," he starts us off. We turn around by row.

"**_Anybody, find me…somebody too…love_**."

I ignore the fact that my sister and Santana immediately seek each other out in the front.

"**_Ohh-ohh-ohh_**," Rachel takes center stage…and she looks so at home in all those lights with all those eyes and smiles watching her.

"**_Each morning I get up I die a little,  
>Can barely stand on my feet<em>**."

Rachel sings her heart out, all the heart she's had no mojo to sing it with. She's finally letting it go…and it sounds more spectacular than I've ever heard.

**_"Take a look at yourself."_**

I move to stand beside her.

"**_Take a look in the mirror and cry,_**" I ignore the background singers. Rachel sings her heart so…so I do it too. I sing out all my frustration and issues and sadness. "-**_Lord what you doin' to me_**?"

"**_I spent all my years believin' you_**." She glances at Santana.  
>"<strong><em>But I just can't get no relief, Lord<em>**."

We're the Berry twins, singing is what we do…so we smile and we dance and we send secrets to each other only we know how to understand. And she gets it…and I get it.

**_"Somebody, Ohh, somebody!  
>Can anybody find me,<br>somebody to love?"_**

We stand in line, Rachel next to Santana and Martinez between the two of us with puck on my right. I felt the wall of separation I'd hoped I'd never have to feel. Only how it is now…it's like I can see it. And I can feel myself panicking over it inside my head.

**_"Got not feel, I got no rhythm.  
>I just keep losin' my beat."<em>**

**_"I'm okay, I'm alright.  
>I ain't gunna face no defeat."<em>**

This song feels perfect for us…now I'd never be able to enjoy it the same way after tonight. I'd always remember it as the song my sister sang to me to tell me she's growing up…that she doesn't need me like she used to. A song that must be how older fathers reminisce about their kids with families to.

**_"I just gotta get out of this prison cell.  
>Someday I'm gunna be free, Lord."<em>**

Broadway, Julliard, a house, a car, a dog…a kid. Rachel wasn't my Rachey anymore…I had to get used to that if I was going to get over the fact that she was with Santana. I had to get it through my extraordinarily thick head…she was telling me she'd been,

**_"Find me somebody to love.  
>Find me somebody to love.<br>Find me somebody to love.  
>Find me somebody to love."<em>**

She held Santana's hand who looked at her with something very much like awe as they stepped down through the center and stood across from each other.

She'd been lonely. And she'd found somebody to love. So I had to learn to be happy for her.

"**_Can anybody find me,  
>somebody to~"<em>**

Mercedes drops the last note of the verse with jaw dropping conviction and the power to bring anyone to their knees. I hope she never gives that up to anyone for any reason. We'd have to have a chat about that.

"**_Love~_**" The lights flash brighter at every higher note.

"**_Find me somebody to,  
>love.<em>**"

Rachel carry's off the song's last note as our hands raise and I see Santana entwine their fingers before the lights click off and the whole auditorium is bathed in a dim light.

The applause are loud and deafening.

And it feels fantastic. At least until we're outside and walking to our cars and Rachel calls to me that she's spending the night at Santana's. I pretend to smile as I wave at them before unlocking the car and slipping into the seat. I sit there for a good long minute before the tears come.

I couldn't keep Rachel safe anymore, and neither could our dads, who'd gone straight home after giving Rachel and I tight hugs of pride. She was out and about and doing things I still couldn't find the courage for. When had she become the brave one?

But Rachel was with Santana…she was having Santana's baby…she was happy and it was obvious…and I was just going to have to learn to be happy for her and try and still be as involved as she'll let me. But still,

It fuckin kills me.


	6. Chapter 6

**Finally right!**

**This is in Santana's POV, my treat for taking so fucking long to post this. But I've been doing a lot of school work and yeah I have a crush so...that has my mind else where too. If anyone has any advice...please help me!**

**I am not a machine, I do make errors.**

* * *

><p>Rachel really got me into music. I mean I listened to Spanish music a lot, but she got me into all kinds of shit I never heard of before. Like musicals and shit, like Funny Girl…it's her favorite. We watch it every other Friday night.<p>

Sometimes I wonder what she sees in me, but when I ask she says it's because we always watch her favorite movies and I always let her tell me her favorite parts, even though I know them by heart now. And that I laugh at all the same crazy plot lines that have been burned into my memory.

But I do that stuff because I love, and because I kinda like it too. What? Funny Girl is actually really good.

I'm psyched about being with Rachel. Like totes, cause not only is she sexy as hell and has a rockin bod under those animal sweaters…she's having my baby. That and she sees through all my bullshit and facades.

I didn't even know what façade meant before I met Rach.

We kinda met by accident, literally. We smashed into each other and I knocked her down. After that we had a kind of love-hate relationship until we actually talked it out a few months later.

Now…I can hardly stand to be away from her.

I look at her stomach again, it's still pretty flat. But it's hard to the touch.

I smile as I listen to the music playing through my one headphone I have stuck in my right ear and watch the others practice as I take my break.

**_"She said you're just a letdown,  
>another one of my mistakes.<br>I never loved you anyway!  
>I never did, I never will!"<em>**

I love this song because I know Rachel doesn't feel this way about me. She never will either, cause I'm gunna take fine as fuckin care of her and our baby.

**_"She said you're just a letdown,  
>all your friends all feel the same.<br>I never loved you anyway!  
>I never did and I-I never will!"<em>**

Or I would…if her brother weren't so dead set on the fact that I'm all wrong for her. I get the whole big brother act but I think it's high time he let it go. He should be thanking me. I'm taking over for him; I can keep my family safe no problem.

I ain't scared of any-fuckin-body.

Rachel looks at me and smiles, I grin back. Yeah…except her…cause she has the power to say 'Hit the couch.' Which totally sucks because she's an awesome snuggler.

Yeah, Santana fuckin Lopez likes to snuggle. So what? After-sex snuggles with Rachel Berry are the bomb. Cause she's still all warm and soft and her hair sticks to her face that sexy way I like it…mm!

Uh-oh…Mr. Shue's stopped them to give them another lecture. Sucks for them. I'm sitting out because I ran to extra laps at Cheerio practice during lunch and got here early with Rach just to do extra rehearsal time. If my words mean nothing, just look at the ice packs duct taped to my shins.

Rachel comes over to sit on my lap; my arms automatically go to her waist which is already a little bigger. "Hi." She mumbles, kissing my forehead. I pull out my earphone and grin up at her happily. I'm gunna marry this girl.

First I have to actually propose, but still.

"Yo." I grin and squeeze her that little bit closer. I know I'm all mushy and shit but I can't help it with her. Rachel Berry is the softness that cracked the hardened shell of Santana fuckin Lopez, and I don't give two shits.

I try and give Rachel my full attention 24/7, but it's wearing me down. Being on the Cheerios, doing Glee, trying to be the perfect girlfriend, and working…I'm tired all the time. And I guess Rach has noticed because we aren't going out as much as we used to.

That kinda makes me feel bad. I try and make every date feel like our first. But with this job, I have less time to spend with her. It takes a lot to provide for my baby mama, but she's gunna get it all if I have anything to say about it.

* * *

><p>"Come on, let's head home." Todd claps me on the shoulder as he passes. "Don't you have a girlfriend to be snuggled up with?"<p>

"My shift isn't over yet." I shake my head as I stand back up on the cafeteria table and start to clean another light.

Yeah, I got a small part time job working at Todd military base the next county over. It's almost an hour from Lima. The pay isn't anything to have a party about but still, it's fuckin something. If I didn't have a job…I couldn't show my face to Rachel or Britt or Martin ever again. I take care of my own.

"You only have fifteen minutes left. I'm leaving now, and seeing as you got a lift _to_ here with me I have to give you a lift _away_ from here with me." Todd watches me as I drop the dirty rag and sit on the table. "What's up senorita?" His Spanish sucks, it always had.

"That's racist."

"Sorry." He chuckles and sits next to me. "But seriously, what's up?"

"Rachel's brother."

"Sean? He seems pretty cool, what about him?"

I shrug. "He's always around Rachel and she's trying to live her life but he can't let go. And I get it yunno? Big brother little sister and the whole twin thing. I get it. But…he hates my guts because he thinks I'm pulling her away from him."

"Aren't you?" He scratches his blonde head thoughtfully.

"Well…not like that. I mean…well…shit…," I sigh.

"Look, you just need to tell him that yeah things will change. Things always do. But Rachel is always going to be his little sister, and he'll always be her big brother. But that doesn't mean they have to estrange themselves." Todd shrugs off my worries and claps me on the back again. "Let's go, I'm sure Rachel will be more than happy to see you. And I have a wife and kid waiting for me."

The ride back to Lima is quiet besides the _Queen_ CD he has playing. And his horrible soft singing.

I feel only a little uncomfortable in the plain gray shirt and the camouflage pants and the black boots they gave me when I started. I got zero plans to join the army, but they're happy to help a teen in need. Advertising and all that shit.

He drops me off at Rachel's with a good luck and a wave. I sigh and look up at the house. Two lights are on upstairs. I know the one of the left is Rachel's and the other one is Sean's. I see a shadow pass the window in both.

_Shit_.

I trudge up to the front door and I don't even need to knock, Rachel gets to the door first and she yanks me inside with a hard kiss. I pull back with a grin on my face at her excitement to see me, but it drops when I see Sean on the stairs. "Come on." Rachel mumbles, closing the door and locking it.

"Is she staying over again?" Sean asks warily.

"Of course she is." Rachel rushes as she pulls me along behind her, up the stairs and I try and ignore his hard glare.

She closes the door behind us and pulls me to the bed. "I miss you."

"I was only at work for four hours." I work later on weekends for some extra cash. "You two miss me that much?" I like the feeling in my chest when I announce the very real fact that we're having a kid…and keeping it. I never wanted to be a parent until I met her.

"Of course we did. We miss you all the time." She grins as she pulls my shirt over my head. I sit to pull off my boots. I love this feeling too, this clichéd…just-coming-home-from-work-so-the-wife-takes-good-care-of-you feeling. I fuckin love it.

"Good to know." I take off the army pants so I'm left in just my boxers and sports bra. I slip into bed next to her and she's wrapped around me in a second.

I fuckin love it.

"I'm gunna take good care of you Rach. No matter how much I gots ta work to make it happen." I mumble into her hair.

She hums and snuggles closer. "I know."

* * *

><p>I blink in confusion.<p>

"Every one of these people or things were a champion in their own right." Mr. Shue talks as he pins up pictures…it just makes me more confused.

"How did sharks compete with bears?" Jace asks from his perch on Britt's lap.

"I find fights confusing." Brittany mumbles, and lays her cheek on his head. "I never know who to cheer for."

I chuckle and lean into Rachel.

"You guys have become complaisant. Yes you were great at the invitational, but you can't just wing it and think you can coast through sectionals and regionals."

True shit, he had a point. But only half the group was slacking off. I hid another yawn, or I tried to. Rach caught me and gave me a worried frown. "Do you need to go to the nurse?" She whispers. I shake my head quickly. I never slack off, I couldn't afford to now of all times especially.

I was filling out my resume with everything I was doing in school and my job. All this stuff rode on my getting into Julliard with Rach. I couldn't miss a class, even to get some much needed sleep. I just couldn't.

"Guys on the left and girls on the right, Jace you're with the girls. I don't trust teenage boys to not choose some risqué songs." Mr. Shue gives an understanding but hard look at the boys who look slightly sheepish.

He turns around as we're still getting into teams and we hardly seem to care that Kurt is attempting to join the group until Mr. Shue calls him out on it with his back still turned. That's kind of rude…Kurt feels more like a girl, why not let him join the girls team?

But with I see Quinn look from Rachel's face to her belly…I ignore everything else and slip an arm over her shoulder, glaring at Quinn who glares back.

Rachel is mine; I'm not giving her up, especially not to queen bitch Fabray. She can go fuck herself.

"Boys VS girls, one week from today you'll each perform a mash-up of your choice. And I hope it's good, bring you're A game."

"What's a mash-up?" Puck asks.

"It's when you take two songs and put them together to make an even better song." Sean answers for Mr. Shue. "It has a fifty percent ratio of being successful."

Puck scoffs. "We can work with fifty."

"I want you to go all out, costumes and everything!" Mr. Shue grins. "Whoever wins gets to pick a number for sectionals. Boys go on Tuesday and the girls the next."

I yawn again and sigh. This would be hard on everything else…but not impossible. I blink as Rachel raises her hand. "Who's going to decide who was better? Your gender makes you biased." That's my girl for you.

Mr. Shue makes a sound of understanding as he tosses the ball in his hand. "There will be a guest judge. Call it a celebrity if you will."

"Who?" Quinn asks, she always makes that face when she's confused.

"Gotta show up to find out. That's what makes a guest a guest right?" He is so not clever. But whatevs, this competition is totally gunna rock for Rachel and me. I hope Sean doesn't end up being too much of a pain in my ass.

"We gots this babe." I grin down at her. She grins back at me, her smile is fuckin adorable. She agrees with me as I lead us out of the room and she mumbles something about choreography.

Mr. Shue stops me for a second. "Santana you seem really tired lately; Sue isn't trying to kill you guys is she?"

Rachel glances up at me…I can't let her know how I'm running ragged. "Not yet Mr. Shue. Being me is a huge job." I shrug it off and he seems to believe me because he chuckles and nods, going to talk to the boys as we finally leave.

"San…you'd tell me if something was wrong right?"

"Course." I can't…I'm sorry.

* * *

><p>Quinn fucked up at practice today…or course Ms. Sylvester is a total psycho. Brilliant…but a total fuckin psycho. Blondie's excuse, "I'm just really tired from Glee club." Yeah right she is! She can't sleep at night because I've got what she wants and can't have. She keeps herself up trying to find ways to steal her from me.<p>

I know this…because I'd do the same thing.

I corner her in the locker room after everyone is gone. "Yo Blondie!" I call her as she heads out. She looks around with curious eyes before they narrow into a glare. "We're not gunna have an issue with this are we?"

"With what S?"

"You wanting to mack on my girl, I've worked to fuckin hard Q. So tell me now so I can bitch slap you later. Are you going to be an issue?"

She bites her lip, she knows better than to challenge me…even if she is head cheerleader. I'd hate to go all Lima Heights Adjacent on this girl. Well, no I wouldn't – but she doesn't need to know that part. "Rachel's a good person Santana."

"I realize that, and don't say some BS about you're better than me or something. Cause you're not. You threw the first slushy, or actually…you were a pussy and told somebody else to throw it for you."

Quinn scoffs. "No, I wasn't going to say that. I was going to say that she deserves better than both of us. At the end of the day everybody knows she's getting out of here, but what about you? Have you even thought about what you're going to do for work?"

"I applied for a full ride scholarship to Julliard actually, and it was accepted _actually_. And I have a job now." Sure it wasn't great…but I had a job and between putting most of my paychecks into savings for Rach and I and keeping enough money for when the baby comes…I'm doing pretty fuckin good.

"Yeah and you're giving her so much of it for the baby right?"

"At least I know what working feels like Fabray. The only money you get is from mommy and daddy…you really think she's gunna want to take your hard earned cash?"

Quinn made a face.

"Thought so…stay away from her and we won't have an issue." I flip my hair as I strut by her; I have a job to go to.

* * *

><p>"Any more trouble from Sean?" I glance down the bleachers to see Todd smiling up at me. I shake my head and shrug as he takes the bleachers two at a time. "I don't know what that means San, speak like a big kid." He chuckles when I glare at him.<p>

"I dunno…he's been more quiet than usual…but he glares at me every time I show up." I sit up straight as Todd sits beside me. "What more can I do? I'm taking care of her, I've got a job, I'm going with her to Julliard, and I'm getting good grades…what more can I possibly do to prove that I'm worth Rachel's time?"

"You don't have to prove anything to anybody Santana. You have Rachel in your life and you love her and her parents don't seem to mind do they?" No…the times I'd stayed for dinner they'd actually seemed _thrilled_ with me. I just shake my head.

"We're opposites San; I had to prove everything to everyone." He chuckles.

"You…why?" It seemed strange that someone like Todd had to prove something, maybe that his little sister wasn't totally slow?

"Birth defects…they almost didn't let me go to school or join the army…or ask my wife's father for his blessing." He looks down at his hands.

"What birth defects?" He looked like a totally normal guy…

"I am missing some of my heart…and one lung. It's rare but it happens. Apparently the one lung I do have has to work over-time and is slightly bigger than a normal lung should be. They had to keep me in the hospital for weeks after I was born." He chuckled humorlessly. "I wanted to be a normal kid…I wanted to play sports and run around, my parents didn't let me at first."

That was…a shock. I mean I know it happens all the time but you never believe it until you know someone with these problems. Bitt had never mentioned it, wait…did she even know?

"But in eighth grade I joined the track team and I actually did really well, got second place in most competitions." He grinned at me. "But then I met my wife…I had to have been fourteen at least…I hardly remember. I had to prove to her I wasn't disabled—that I was as normal as anybody else, and I had to prove that to her father. So I worked hard and once I found out she was pregnant I signed up for the Army reserve and then when Jace turned one I joined the army."

I was in awe of this guy. This is who I wanted to be, someone that did all these amazing things and someone my kid could point to at the park or at parents/student work day or whatever it was and say, 'That's my mom!' and tell all their little friends why they were so proud of me. Because I worked hard and I did what I needed to. "…That's the kinda person I wanna be."

"What?"

"Strong."

He smiles at me and claps a hand on my back lightly before standing. "Let's get ya home champ."

"I'm going to Rachel's." I practically lived there now.

He just chuckled more and led the way out.

* * *

><p>"We're starting!" Rachel snaps as we get ready for practice. Or rather…Britt, Jace, and I are getting ready and Tina and Mercedes aren't giving a shit. Quinn is missing in action. Bitch.<p>

"Chill out we got this in the bag." Mercedes drones from her seat beside Tina.

"This isn't like a movie Mercedes, we can't just show up without practice and act like a random flash mob." Rachel grits her teeth, I put a hand on her back and she looks up at me.

"Calm down. I don't need either one of you to be stressin over this _wannabe Beyoncé_." I call out the end so she can hear me and she turns to me with a sharp glare and I glare back.

"Excuse me?"

"You heard me." I take a step forward.

"We got this; we already picked out our mash-up. _Halo_ and _Walking on Sunshine_," I stop her before she acts to damn proud.

"Those songs were Rachel's idea first of all, and second…if the boys beat us…we're going to get laughed at even more than we already do. So get up and work with us here. Don't be lazy cause you think you're the sh-"

"San!" Britt whines, I look over and she's covering Jace's ears. And he looks very confused but I remember that he's just none and I shut up with a simple glare at Mercedes.

"Let's go." I snap and we rehearse…its half-assed and not that great…but Rachel smiled up at me with that adorable megawatt smile I just can't get enough of. That totally made Mercedes bullshit worth it. Almost.

* * *

><p>The guys did good, really good actually. Despite their,<em> 'Perverted crass explanation of the modern male's lifestyle.' <em>as said by Rachel.

Jace wasn't allowed in for their performance. He stayed in the library with Britt the whole time. Mr. Shue made a point of telling them – after saying what a great job they did – to remember that there was a child around us now so they had to choose less risqué songs so he could enjoy Glee as much as they did.

Rachel led the way out, when we spotted Quinn she told me to stay back – so as to avoid punching in her perfect Barbie face – but I'm not that great at listening. So I come closer than I'm supposed to and I eavesdrop.

"Why aren't you at rehearsals?"

"I do have a life outside of Glee. There's Cheerios, I'm on the honor roll, and I have friends." No this bitch didn't! Yes she fuckin did…we're gunna have to have another chat later…

"I don't hate you Quinn, and I know you don't hate me either. We can be friends. Even if Santana does threaten you."

"You know about that?"

"Everyone knows Santana, so I'm not shocked if she did. Look, we really need your help. I personally can't let Glee go…it's already all I have besides Santana and a few others. I know you have to keep up appearances…so think of it that way."

"What do you mean?"

"You're the head cheerleader, captain of the celibacy club; on honor roll…if you take pity on the 'school loser' whose also pregnant…people will think you're even better."

Quinn blinks. "I don't want to use you as a charity case."

"Quinn…I know. I do…I've been told. I get that it's hard but friends is all we can ever be. If I were in your shoes I would take at least that."

"…Just friends?"

"That's all I can give you…I'm sorry."

Quinn nods, but there's a look in her eyes that I don't like. But I leave it alone as Rachel turns back to me with a huge grin and takes my hand leading me away. I glare at the blonde as we walk away...she's up to something and fuck if I'm not going to find out what it was.

* * *

><p><em>Dude r u ok?<em>

_Why do you care?_

_Cuz Rach is worried._

_Oh yeah? Could have fooled me._

_Dude srsly…u need to let hr do hr thng!_

_I am._

_No ur nt. Rach is a big grl, she can take care of hrself._

_I know that._

_Yea I bet u do._

_…You wouldn't understand._

_I do. Quit making her stress and just talk about it.  
>I can't deal with Quinn trying to get Rachel, Rachel<br>stressing over you because you're basically forsaking her,  
>my grades, the baby, and my job. Make my life a little easier. Please!<em>

_…I'm sorry._

_I'm not the one you need to tell that too._

* * *

><p>"I told you, 'all those in favor of winging it' they say, and now look where we are. I told you." Rachel snaps. I'm sitting behind her on the piano as she snaps at the other girls. Other girls just being Tina and Mercedes...and Quinn for not being at rehearsals.<p>

"We get it, you've been snapping at us for it for like an hour." Mercedes sighs. I shoot her a glare and she rolls her eyes but sits farther back in her chair.

"Were they that good, really?" Quinn asks; she's got the look again as she watches Rachel.

I slide off the piano and stand beside my girl, glaring at the blonde. "Maybe you should have been there Barbie. Anyways does it really matter? Now we have to bring it even harder if we're going to win. And we will." I turn to Jace. "Those boys are the opposite of everything you want to be. Whatever they do…you do the opposite."

"My dad tells me that." He giggles.

"Listen." I point at him, glancing at Britt who grins, nodding. "Honestly, I just wanna know how they did it." I shrug, looking down at Rachel.

"Or you could find out what they were on." We turn at Kurt's voice.

"What are you talking about?" Rachel's eyes narrow and I step back.

Kurt makes a face and swallows nervously. Do not mess with a pregnant woman who is already crazy before her hormones went haywire. "Look I'm still upset that I had to join the boys, so I'm throwing it in Mr. Shue's face." He shrugs, smirking, and looks Rachel in the face. "Finn gave us pills he said he got from the nurse. Sean and martin said we shouldn't but Finn got to Sean and because he and Martin are attached at the hip…Martin took them too."

"Those rotten, scheming, sons of b-," Rachel smacks a hand over my mouth before I can finish.

* * *

><p>When Rachel went to clap Finn across the face, I actually held her hand back. Me of all people…crazy right? But she's stressed enough, and it's not good for the baby.<p>

"You're horrible Finn! You put on an honest face but you're the biggest faker at McKinley." She sneers at him.

"What?" He blinks.

"You took pills, Kurt told us. It's dirty and wrong and you're just another scumbag for giving into it. I should call you F-Rod." She's glaring death into his beady clueless eyes. He gets what she's talking about, he does, it's just taking its time through all those farm-boy genes to connect to his brain.

He frowns. "I'm nothing like A-Rod, I'd never take steroids, and they make your junk fall off."

He's not even packing to begin with, but I'm not gunna tell all those other smitten hookers that.

"You don't even get it, the kind of pressure I'm under."

Rachel crosses her arms and just stares at him, this time he doesn't get it. I feel so bad for his mother. That poor woman must have tried her best. "Yeah Frankenteen, being a teenage mother she'd no nothing about pressure." I scoff.

He blinks stupidly. "Sorry, it's just…being captain of the football team, being popular, trying to keep my grades up, and being a Glee stud is tiring."

Rachel takes a deep breath. "One Finn, one day I really hope everything sinks in and sticks for you. I hope that with all my heart." She turns and takes my hand, starting to pull me away, but he stops us again.

"You know you're only upset because we obviously won." He calls.

Wrong move.

Rachel turns and her eyes lock on him. "Excuse me?"

"You lost and you can't take it." He smirks. "Our number is gunna be in sectionals, deal with it."

"Oh, oh no he did not just go there." I step away from Rachel and go to take off my backpack, he gets the smart idea and turns and speed walks down the opposite hall as fast as possible. _"Yeah you better run you fuckin pussy!"_

Rachel grabs my arm. "He isn't worth it, but you know what we're gunna do?" She tugs on the straps of my backpack. I grin down at her.

"Kick his ass?"

She gives me a look and I shrug innocently. "No, you and the other girls are going to take those pills. I can't because I don't know what's in them. We're going to even the playing field."

"That's my girl." I grin and plant a small kiss on her forehead before turning again to lead her to class.

* * *

><p>We're all standing in yellow, yellow sun dresses and yellow bandanas. Jace is wearing a yellow T-shirt with yellow sneakers, his jeans are black. Rachel is excited for our obvious victory. She's talking faster than usual, which is still surprising.<p>

She finished and took her place beside me in the center (of course), and Jace took her place in the front.

We sang, and we danced, and it was so much better than I thought it would be. This was my vacation, aside from getting to sleep with Rachel every night. Todd was there and clapped, he had a huge grin on his face as Jace danced with us. His strawberry bronze hair lit up and it almost seemed like he had a halo of his own.

I tried not to think of Sean and how upset he was with me. He thought I was going to take Rachel away and never let her talk to him ever again. But that'd be like someone telling me Martin and I could never see each other again, it wasn't plausible. I think that's probably why Martin isn't as upset as he is; I just wish he'd explain that to him!

I ignore Quinn's longing glances at Rachel, which she either ignores or is oblivious to (I'm not totally sure), but she's shooting looks of love my way. And it makes me forget all about Quinn. Because I know Rach will never leave me. The fact that we're having a baby only strengthens that fact.

When we're done, and out of breath, it's totally obvious we won. But I'm still wired from those pills and I know this will come back on us. So I know in reality we all lost. But not Rachel or Jace. This was total reality to them and they were amazing enough to be able to keep up without the pills. They're better than we are I guess. But that's okay.

I wrap my arm around Rachel's waist as we're walking out. "Let's watch us some Funny Girl tonight babe."

"With ice cream?"

I scoff. "Duh." I grin and clap Jace a high five as we pass him and Britt on their way home. "I'll call you later Britt-Britt." She nods, grinning.

"Kay, I'll try and make sure Lord Tubbington isn't,"

"Aunt Brittany, mommy told you…he can't use the phone."

"…But I was sure I heard him the other night talking to some other cat."

"…That was Cat & Dog on TV."

"Oh."

I chuckle. Brittany is the fuckin best I swear.

* * *

><p>"I'm telling you, his wife is out to destroy the school." I insist as I juggle with the ice cream and the bowls before sitting next to Rachel, who has already turned on the movie and has the previews rolling.<p>

She shrugs, sitting back while I pry open the vegan ice cream and start to scoop her a large portion. "I wouldn't doubt it. She did seem mentally unstable when we talked to her about the vitamins. And Martin said he heard her talking to Ms. Pillsbury earlier."

"Oh yeah?" I hand her the bowl and she takes it with a large grin. "What'd he hear?"

"He said she threatened her, the door was opened a crack and he had an appointment to meet with her about college. He said she put her down and was just nasty to her."

I sat back with my own bowl. "You're serious?"

She nods. "He said he ducked out of the way so she wouldn't see him when she came out, and he tried to ask her if she was okay but she just shook it off."

It sounded like something she'd do. She was a very mousy woman.

"Don't worry about it babe, let's just chill and watch the movie." I shrug it off myself and enjoy her leaning back into me. But I can't shrug off the fact that I can see Sean's reflection from the staircase in one of the pictures on the wall. He wants me gone…and just like Quinn, it's going to take more than once for that to sink in.

* * *

><p>I actually punch Finn this time when he steps in front of us almost literally from thin air and calls my girl A-Rach. "You got some damn nerve." I hiss into his ear. "You took pills!"<p>

"So did you and the other girls!" He snapped back, rubbing his chest.

"Rachel didn't, and Jace didn't. Say whatever the fuck you want about the rest of us but they won fair and square. Deal with it." I smirk and step back, Rachel's hand slipping around my arm.

"Sorry." He mumbles. "It was kinda stupid to take those pills though…do you even remember performing?" He looks at me curiously.

I shake my head, trying to remember…but all I can remember are yellow dresses, the feeling of excitement, and seeing Rachel grin up at me. "Not really."

"Yeah, me either. What do we do now though?"

We both look at Rachel; she's got a level head. She should know what to do. She rolls her eyes but answers our unasked question anyways. "If both team's withdrawal, then it's fair."

"Sounds good." Finn smiles.

I nod my agreement.

"But we won." I sigh and hold my aggravation. We turn our heads to look at Quinn, who's glaring at Rachel with confusion. "We won, we were better."

"But everyone still cheated Quinn; it's not fair either way."

"You didn't, doesn't that count for us?"

"No Quinn, both teams are taking themselves out. Fair is fair." And that was the end of it. Rachel tugged me along as I shot Quinn a glare of my own.

'Stay away from her.' I mouthed. She worked her jaw and turned away, like there was something she wanted to say.

But she didn't.

* * *

><p>We all apologized to Mr. Shue. And he lectured us about the dangers of drug use. Even though they weren't technically drugs.<p>

It's basically a hug out moment for Glee. And I hug Rachel away from it all, because she's the best one here. Besides Jace but because he doesn't go here and he still has a lot of work to do., he doesn't count as much.

But then it's not…because Miss. Sue is now a co-director of Glee. This situation is basically Finn's fault…fuckin A.

Rachel looks up at me, I was just clueless. I shrug and try and say something…but nothing comes out. I should have seen this coming eventually, this of all things. Given how adamant she was in killing this club. "Rach I-,"

"I know…its okay."

Fuck my life.


	7. Chapter 7

**Finally right!**

**Okay for the sake of people waiting around for updates: **pocketofthepicker .tumblr .com **(**take out the spaces**) this is my friend's blog, we talk all the time so if you have any questions about whatever it is I'm doing, ask her, she'll probably know. You can ask anything from possible post dates to what my favorite number is, I don't care. If you're wondering why I don't have a blog...I'd never keep up with it. I barely keep up with my facebook. (haven't touched it in weeks)**

**I am not a machine, I do make errors.**

**I know this chapter kinda sucks...but I'm like...dragging myself along to stay awake.**

* * *

><p>This is insane…it's like a screaming matched Sean and daddy have when Sean brings up our missing mother.<p>

Miss. Sue and Mr. Shue are going at it like two different wild cats from the jungle. It is slightly entertaining…but it definitely not what this club is about. Fighting never made anyone feel special. Besides that movie…

I glance around them to Santana, who watches me was a small frown and mouths that she's sorry. I offer a small smile, it wasn't her fault. Everyone should have expected this really. I glance over at Quinn…she may have something to do with this though.

She looks back at me. "I'm really sorry." She mumbles.

"Don't worry about it." It's still uncomfortable to be around Quinn…but I don't want to forsake her or anything.

This whole thing got way out of hand the moment Miss. Sue walked through the door. But before that too.

* * *

><p>"God damn I hate that bitch!" Santana punch the locker for the second time, I flinched. "Minority students don't…my ass! I'm killin' myself over trying to be somebody and she says that!" She turns and looks at me…it almost looks like she's deflating when she sees me.<p>

My shoulders are slumped, my head is down, and my hands are knotted together. I know how she feels…people seem to forget it but because I'm Jewish…Sean, Puck, and I are minorities too.

"Babe…I'm sorry."

"It's okay, I get it." I force a small smile. It's hard though… "Let's go to the doctor." I tug at her hand and she follows after me to my car. Today is the day we see the baby for the first time, if I'm happy about anything right now, it's that.

* * *

><p>I lay on the 'bed' and I'm scared to move because the room is so quiet and whenever I move the tissue paper under sounds like a gun shot. I sigh, breaking the silence. "I'm scared."<p>

"Its gunna be fine babe." San reassures me, taking my hand. "You're both going to be fine." That doesn't make me feel better; she talks like me when she's nervous or far too serious for even my liking. She's just as afraid as I am that the baby won't be okay like we both want it to be.

"Stay calm, at your age there's a slim chance that anything is wrong." The doctor calmly states as she messes with the equipment. "Speaking of age…any thoughts on what you're going to do?"

"We're keeping it." Santana answered right away. She doesn't trust adoption. My daddy had brought it up the other night at dinner. You never do know who they'll end up with, and Santana didn't want that. I hadn't even considered it.

I squeak when the cold gel touches my belly. A warning would have been nice but she apologizes quickly.

"If it makes a difference…it's a girl." The doctor looks at both of us for a reaction.

I smile and look at San. "You were right."

"I'm always right." She chuckles.

* * *

><p><em>"It'll be a boy." We're sitting in a small café, I have a no dairy cappuccino and Santana has a mocha latte.<em>

_"It won't be." She sips her drink._

_"It'll be a boy."_

_She just smiled at me._

* * *

><p>We look back up when she shows us the picture of the baby.<p>

"She's so tiny." San mumbled, never looking away from the screen.

"Wow." My eyes get blurry from the tears.

She's small, she's new…she's my baby and she's perfect. I look at Santana…never mind. She's _our_ baby.

* * *

><p>It was a long night…Santana had bragged about the baby to my parents…she made sure Sean saw the picture too. She had gotten a ten minute video of the baby and two pictures. Things have been even more strained with Sean and me lately. Things don't feel the same.<p>

But it was silly of me to assume that things would.

I sigh as I shut my locker, I jump when I see Jacob's wide black eyes staring at me through his thick lenses. He starts to say something but someone grabs his shoulder and whirls him around.

"Leave the senorita alone Israel, I would hate for us to have an issue, Si?" Martinez's Spanish accent feels like a heaven send right now. The last person I wanted to deal with was Jacob.

"Si." Jacob whimpers and scrambles away, scurrying down the hall.

"Thank you." I smile up at my girlfriend's older brother. He shrugs it off and falls into step with me as I turn and head for class.

"You must be very happy, I hear yesterday was good news." He starts.

I nod, smiling. "It was. She's healthy and developing normally." I cover my stomach protectively with my books and arms. It seemed normal to curl in at the stomach now and to eat twice as much knowing I was sensitive about my weight, but as San reminded me…I was eating for two. Everyone seemed to remind me of that lately.

Martin nods his understanding. I can't help but notice he isn't wearing his headband today. His dark curls are loose over his head and his eyes are actually visible today. "How are things with Sean?"

"You should know; he talks to you more than me these days."

"He's hurt Chica, very deeply. You're his little sister, by however few minutes, and you chose to keep him out of your life. He's trying to be understanding but it's hard for him. You should understand that."

"I do." We stop outside my classroom. "I understand it better than most. But even he said that we have our own lives to live."

"He gets that." Martin steps closer and presses a warm hand on my shoulder, looking me right in the eye. "He needs to hear it from you Rachel that you're okay…that even though your lives are separating you're not going to shut him out. He needs to hear that you're always going to be his little sister. But, he also need to tell you that you do have your own life…you need to tell each other that your both going to be there, always."

He drops his hand, smiles, and turns away from me…walking calmly down the hall to his own class.

Sometimes I can't help but wonder how old that soul he has is.

* * *

><p>I sit between Santana, who has her arm over my shoulders, and Sean…who is as quiet as he's been the past while.<p>

Miss. Sue and Will are arguing again. Their voices are calm but you can tell by the situation we're all in what's really going on. They're screaming their heads off in their own minds.

Miss. Sue begins to read off a list…this can't be good.

"Santana." She looks at me in confusion but stands and walks over to stand behind her coach.

"Wheels." She couldn't even learn our names?

"Gay kid." Oh my God…nobody had ever called Kurt out on it. I glance over to see his horrified expression. He stands quickly and shuffles over behind San and Artie.

"Asian." Offensive.

"Other Asian." Even more offensive.

She calls Mercedes and Matt next…and then she turns to Mr. Shue and mumbles something only they and the confused group behind them can hear.

Santana looks at me and mouths 'sorry', "And that's how Sue…sees it." She's a cheerio. I'm not sure how I keep forgetting that even though I see her in that uniform all the time. She has to keep up appearances.

"Outstanding." Sue commends her on her acting. Santana grins even wider, however much she may hate her coach…she still loves approval.

* * *

><p><em>Tell Q 2 stay away frm u<em>

_Santana, I'm not going to do that_

_Y nt?_

_I'm sure she gets the picture_

_I'm nt. If u dnt tell her…I will_

_Sanny…please don't do this_

_I dnt trust her…I no u dnt wanna make a huge deal bt…she has 2 learn babe_

_…If that's what you want to do_

_It is._

_Okay…I'll see you after work_

_U no it babe ;)_

_:3_

* * *

><p>Sean walked with me to the nearby store to get a few small groceries we needed for dinner. I can't help but say that I love that Santana eats what I eat whenever she's around me. I know she eats all the pork and beef she wants when we're apart, which doesn't seem very often these days, but it's just the fact that she's willing to do whatever to make sure I'm happy.<p>

"What are you gonna name her?" Sean asks as he drops two bags of frozen vegetables into the hand basket he's carrying. It's shocking…and sad, because it's the first time we've really talked to each other without friends around in what feels like forever.

I smile. "San wants to name her after her great aunt, they were very close, and I think it's kind of sweet so we'll probably just do that."

"What about the last name?"

He sounds stiff and uncomfortable…I can't ever say I'm sorry enough for him to fully forgive me. "We're doing a hyphenated name. Her whole name is going to be a mix between her heritages. I think it'd be amazing if she was bilingual, she'd speak Spanish and English and a little bit of Hebrew like we do."

He nods and tosses in a bag of plain pasta noodles. "That's cool. Hebrew is a pain to learn though."

"Well rounded children that are as open-minded as we are come from families that mix their heritages together and love each other. Santana's family is amazing; I get along with all of them very well."

He stopped so suddenly I almost ripped trying to stop with him. He gives me a funny look, and I can't describe it but…I think I may have hurt his feelings even more. "How long has this whole thing been going on? What else don't you tell me or our dads? Or am I the only clueless one on this whole thing?"

"Why are you always so angry with me?"

"Look at where we are Rachel…look at yourself…you have a whole other family you can count on that even my best friend never told me about?" He snapped, his dark hair falls into his eyes but he shakes it back just as quickly.

"What do you want me to do Sean? Meet with you every morning and night and tell you about my day in play-by-play slideshow? Would that make this better?" I know I shouldn't be sayin these things, I know…but I can't help it. It hurts that he's doing this. "Quit attacking me because I'm living my life. I'm sorry if I'm happy."

"How can you be happy? Look at your life right now."

There's a silence that hangs in the air for far too long. A line has been crossed by both of us. Now there's always going to be some kind of gaps between our lives that was even bigger than before. I just hope we can agree to disagree and he'll be there for his niece when she needs him.

I turn, pull out my cell and shoot Santana a text. "Tell dad and daddy that I'll be at the Lopez's tonight." I call back at him as I exit the store and wait by the entrance. It takes Santana but one minute to reply back and I already know she's on her way. She's probably borrowing Todd's truck. I knew Sean wouldn't follow me out, we both knew it wouldn't save anything.

So I stood with my hands tucked behind my back and the cement digging into my palms and my head down as I watched a pill bug tread slowly over the uneven gravel. When Santana pulled up, Sean was exiting the store with two bags full of food and spices. We didn't look at him and he didn't look at us, he just stood there as I hopped across the gravel and opened the door, Latin music drifted into my ears. Santana offers a hand as she leans across the seats. I take it and let her pull me up and in.

"You okay?" It's her first question and she stares at me with total seriousness as she helping hand settles on my belly. I nod, forcing a half smile. "I'm taking the rest of the night off…we can talk about this if you want, or not." I shake my head. "Not right now." I answer honestly. I know he's still standing out there.

She nods and turns the shift, pulling out of the small store's parking lot. I watch my older brother in the mirror. He isn't watching us drive away…he turned and headed in the direction of home, his head down.

"He asked about her name." I mumbled.

Santana glanced at me. "Did he?"

"And then it got worse…so much worse San, I don't know what to do." That conversation had not gone the way Martinez had told me to take it…I was doing something wrong…I had to be. I sighed and let my head fall back and stared at the darkening road ahead of us. "I'd like to meet Todd's wife sometime."

"I had plans to go over and visit Britt, if you wanna come, Todd and his little fam are gonna be there."

I turn my head to her lazily and take hold of her hand that is on the armrest between us. "Thank you…" She just chuckles. The rest of the drive to her house is in silence.

* * *

><p><em>I think ms. Sue is racist<em>

_Why do you think that?_

_Cuz she jus wlkd in here n assumed R&B was wat we wantd 2 sing_

_Why does that offend you? _

_I'm Hispanic…where's my Latin music?_

_In your house. If it makes you feel better, tonight we can watch as many movies in Spanish as you want_

_…Srsly?_

_Yep._

_Awesome!_

* * *

><p>"There's no cheerios." Santana whines softly as she sits next to me and lays her head on my shoulder. "Mr. Shue pulled them all."<p>

Ouch. "Why?"

"Because they were all idiots." She sighs. I didn't get it. "You have to be getting at least a B+ to be on the team."

That didn't make any sense…my brow furrowed. "How does Brittany stay on the team?" I glanced over at the blonde chatting with Puck.

"She's not as dumb as people make her to be, that and she usually just copies off the smart people."

"Like you?" I smirk. I can feel her slow chuckle in my chest. She nods and agrees with me quietly. She has to leave soon after our small chat because their club time is different than ours now.

* * *

><p>Quinn sits next to me in our only class together, Spanish, with Mr. Shue. "You're actually going to keep the kid right?" She whispers. I glance at her and nod before looking back to my paper. "What are you going to name it?"<p>

"It's a she first of all." I hiss back. I don't even know why we're talking…oh yeah…I didn't tell her to stay away. Yet. "We're going to give her names from both my family and hers."

"Why not just name it after you?" Quinn asks curiously.

"It's a she!" I hiss again, looking right at her. She blinks and nods. "And I'm not naming it after me because as much as I like my name for myself, Rachel is an extraordinarily ordinary name."

"I think it's nice." And she left it at that, but I felt her glance at me every so often. Maybe I should tell her to back off like San said.

She follows me after class to my locker though. "Do you wanna study for the test next week? You're the only person I know who takes notes as good as I do." I suddenly feel very bad when I look at her. I nod before I realize and agree. She grins and walks off, agreeing to set up a study time next Spanish class or in Glee.

* * *

><p>I was happy…we felt like a solid unit together as we sang. I sat on Santana's lap as she laughed while Puck strummed his guitar. We were united, even Sean was smiling. It felt like it's been months when it hasn't even been two weeks.<p>

I lean against her when we're done…her fingers comb through my hair. "We gotta go baby, Miss. Sue is gonna be looking for us in about ten minutes and by ten she means five so, " she kisses my temple and I stand to let her move. "I will see you two later." She grins and kisses my temple again before starting to head out with the others.

I sit heavily and sigh. "This sucks." I mumble to myself as the remaining members take their own seats. And I think it to myself as Mr. Shue walks in and I think it's almost annoying how he talks to us and tries to get us going but somehow it doesn't seem that way.

I get stuck singing a song with Finn. I've been moody enough as it is and this does not help one bit. Jace wasn't in club today. He was at home with a small fever and an upset stomach; Britt had been worried until her brother called to tell her he would be fine. Quinn is still staring at me and I wish I had just told her to back off like San wanted. Ugh, life sucks right now.

* * *

><p>I grabbed my backpack and tugged it over my shoulder, huffing, heading towards the front of the school to meet with Santana. Quinn caught up with me before I could walk out of the doors though. "Rachel, wait," she grabs my arm but I snatch it back. "Please." She tries as I whip around to look her in the eye.<p>

"Please what Quinn? I know you think you've got everyone fooled and wrapped around your precious little fingers but I know exactly why you're here and what you're doing, don't treat me like I'm stupid Fabray." I pause as she stares at me. "Glee is all I have, take that away I'm just another teen pregnancy. I need this." I turn and leave

Fuck Quinn Fabray and her bullshit.

Fuck Sean who couldn't talk to me calmly and listen to me like he should.

Fuck it, fuck it, and fuck it.

I see Santana waiting for me by the doors; she's already in her work uniform and ready to drop me off at her house. I blink back my tears of frustration and run as fast as I know I can into her. And she's surprised but always welcoming as she closes me in and holds onto me and I cry the hardest I've cried in weeks and maybe months.

Did Quinn forget I was Jewish? Did she forget I was pregnant? Or was her angle just to get under my skin so she could make terrorizing me easier for herself.

"Did Q do this?"

I mumble into her shirt and she lifts my head gently with a finger under my chin. "Yes and no." I repeat myself. She doesn't ask any more questions, just leads me outside. I haven't slept in my own bed for two days.

* * *

><p>At the end of the day…even though Puck and Brittany left, leaving just four of us, I had a place to call home with people that loved me. So maybe losing Glee club, even though it'd kill me, wouldn't be so bad.<p>

We try and sing our song that we'd practiced, but Miss. Sue interrupted, and then Mr. Shue got upset. I look at Quinn; she's still shooting me that apologetic look. I sigh and shake it off.

What can you do?

I follow the others out as Finn begins to tell them about how he's fed up with the arguments and the hate and the discrimination. Santana takes my hand and I don't look back as she leads the way out, she always leads the way. "I'm tired." I mumble.

"Let's go home and gets our cuddle on babe." She lets go of my hand and slips her arm around my shoulders.


	8. Chapter 8 Part 1

**Finally right!**

**Sorry all, I had a major lack of motivation for writing for a while. This isn't all of it. **

**I am not a machine, I do make errors.**

**I know this chapter kinda sucks...but I'm like...dragging myself along to stay awake.**

* * *

><p><strong>Sean's POV<strong>

Santana dropped Rachel off after a dinner with Britt's family. Martin had mentioned it, he'd even invited me but I declined. There would only be awkward silences…Rachel would be there. I shouldn't have said those things, I was wrong. But it still hurts.

I watch with dad from the kitchen doorway as the door is opened and Santana drops off my little sister. They have a sickeningly sweet moment where they hug and Santana delivers several kisses across her face. It has our fathers cooing at how 'adorable' it was.

I slip out and go to my room. I still don't know what to say to them…especially Santana.

* * *

><p>I hear them mumbling in the hallway outside of Rachel's room later. Santana stayed for a short film and popcorn and was now about to sleep over for possibly the millionth time.<p>

"I don't want to pressure you San,"

"Its fine, no pressure, I gots this."

"…don't want you to work to…"

"…you can trust me Rachel…I'm not gonna let you down."

"I know…come on. You can talk to them in the morning."

The door clicks shut and I fall sleep to _Rent_ shortly after.

* * *

><p>Mr. Shue gives us our sheet music during club, saying something about what judges prefer to hear. All I see is that the title on the paper reads…Defying Gravity. I fucking love <em>Wicked<em>.

"I have an iPod shuffle dedicated exclusively to selections from Wicked." Kurt brags.

"So do we." Rachel calls. I glance back and she smirks at Kurt before glancing to me, and I nod. It's true…it is a phenomenal show.

Mr. Shue chuckles and looks to my sister, and so does Santana and Quinn. "Think you're good for it Rachel?"

She grins, nodding. "A go-to shower song and my ringtone. It should be easy but practice makes perfect." She takes Santana's hand, who's looking at her with awe and adoration. I peer at Quinn who rolls her eyes and looks back down at her paper.

"Awesome, but on a sad note…the school won't pay for the special bus that'll help us take Artie with us to sectionals." Mr. Shue frowns and turns to the boy in the chair. It was sad…how things could always go from bad to worse. I was selfish…Artie had it much harder than me but he took it in stride. I'm jealous.

"That isn't fair." Mercedes speaks up.

"The cheerios get to go everywhere." Rachel notes. Santana whispers something into her ear and she pulls a face. "That's still not fair." Santana shrugs with a helpless look on her face.

Mr. Shue calls attention back to himself, I turn my back to Rachel. "We're going to have to get the money ourselves. When I was in Glee club and we needed money…we had a bake sale."

Oh dear God. He wasn't serious was he?

The room went silent. But as Santana always did, she broke the ice, as only she knows how.

"Are you freaking serious? Are we in first grade?" Her accent comes out when she's upset. "Bake sales went out of style in the 70s."

There was a small ripple of laughter.

"So hip people don't eat cupcakes anymore?" Mr. Shue seemed mildly offended.

Santana scoffed. "It's not that…it's the fact that you obviously don't get how society works anymore." She had a point; I had to admit that much. "If we have a bake sale…we'll go from being total zeros…to plankton. And in case none of you know what those are, they're micro-scope, basically invisible little lives that giant wales eat."

"Dude…my rep is suffering enough. I don't need _any_ of that." Puck calls from the side. There's a small mumble of agreement that everyone gives.

"That and some of us are too busy with other things." Santana speaks up again. "Cheerios, keeping grades up, working, relationships…I'm a busy woman."

Mr. Shue shakes his head and looks everyone over. He really thinks he's so much better sometimes doesn't he? "Are you all really that insensitive?"

I raise my hand before speaking. "We're not being insensitive, we're being realistic, and we never said we wouldn't do other things to help get money. Bake sales are just…a thing of the past."

"T-totally."

"Even I know that."

"I couldn't take the outfit damage it would cost."

"Besides," I look over to see Quinn throw her hair over her shoulder. "Artie understands, don't you Artie?" I hate her right now. She has that tone in her voice that screams, 'agree with me or suffer the consequences.'

And he agreed…with a heavy chest full of sighs…he agreed.

* * *

><p>I pass the auditorium, set on practicing a little. Rachel and I used to practice together but…for obvious reasons that couldn't exactly happen like it used to. I had skipped my sports practice, telling Martin to tell the coach I was going to the doctor. I stop when I hear a guitar play…<p>

Artie is playing a song by himself. _Dancing With Myself_ by Generation X, I had never been reminded more of my current self than in that moment. We understood each other even though he was unaware of it. We both felt alone and misunderstood, but the difference was I could fix my problem. Artie would feel some kind of isolation.

I turn on my heels and leave quietly.

Rachel was my sister…my little sister. Even if I hate what happened I should still be there for her. It's just going to take a little more time for me to feel alright with it. That, and if I was being honest with myself…I think being an uncle would be kinda cool.

* * *

><p>When Kurt stood to say he wanted to audition for the solo from Wicked I couldn't really say I was shocked. I hear Martinez give a chuckle of approval beside me and a small round of 'ohhh' and 'alright' from the others. I glance at Rachel in the front, sitting beside Santana as usual; I know she has to be shocked that she has to fight for a solo now.<p>

Santana leans in and whispers something in her ear and then glances back at me with a strange look on her face before looking back to Rachel. What was that supposed to mean?

Meanwhile, Mr. Shue seems bent on having Kurt stop trying to ask for an audition. What an awesome teacher. Oh he had plenty of talk but he was just a dick most of the time. Aren't teachers supposed to encourage you or something? Or maybe that was just my life.

But Kurt insisted…and in the end Mr. Shue shot him down and gave him a lame offer of something else. This didn't feel fair.

My attention fades but then comes to again when Mr. Shue tries to make us feel like shit for saying we were all so ready to ditch Artie.

"Artie doesn't care; I mean his dad drives him everywhere." Mercedes put in. My eyes drift to Artie, I dunno if he read my mind or he had just finally had enough of being pushed around.

"I actually do care. I do have feelings yunno." He mumbled, looking across the front row of the other members. "You shouldn't really assume you know how I feel."

I nod in agreement and so do a few others.

"We're sorry; we didn't think you'd take it personally." Rachel answers softly.

He blinks. "Well you can be irritating most of the time but I don't take that personally." He gets a smack on the arm from Santana for that one, before I could even move.

"Watch yourself wheels, I don't care if you are stuck in that chair. Don't make me go all Lima Heights." She hisses, Artie swallows and nods, mumbling an apology to Rachel.

"Santana, stop it. None of you seem to really get how hard Artie works to keep up with the rest of us." Mr. Shue interrupts. Martinez cuts him off before he can even try and say anything else.

He raises his hand before, "And you do? No offense but I think you have just as little clue as we do. I'm not saying Artie doesn't work hard, out of all of us he has to work the hardest. But don't stand there and try and make us feel bad when you don't get it either." His accent went in and out during his small speech.

"True story." Puck agrees, bumping his fist against Martin's.

Artie actually agrees with Martin. "I think only people like me get me…but it's good to know that someone understands at least that."

Mr. Shue pauses and gives Martin and even stare before continuing. "Look, either way, we're all riding together or not at all and to pay for it…we're having a bake sale."

This just doesn't feel fair.

* * *

><p>"Dude this blows!" Pucks groans as he tries to shake a cramp from his hand. "We're in Glee club, we have to have this stupid bake sale, and to top it off…we have to wheel ourselves around in these for a week? Tell me how life is worth it?"<p>

Mr. Shue and Artie thought it'd be smart to have us in wheelchairs for the week. Artie had agreed with martin that only people in wheelchairs understood how hard it is…and this was what came of it.

My hands were killing me as I wheeled down the hall beside Puck. "It's only a week man. Artie has to feel a million times worse because he's stuck in his chair, we get to stand up and leave them behind."

Puck almost looks ashamed and nods. "Yeah but still….this blows."

"Agreed." I watch as Santana wheels by to the lunch room with Rachel on her lap. I roll my eyes and bite my tongue; I had to make an effort in this. "Come on man, they're serving tots today." I smack Puck on the shoulder and push myself ahead toward the lunch room.

"Awesome!" He cheers, moving after me.

We get our lunch and wheel over to where Rachel, Santana, Brittany, and Martin are eating and making small chat. Rachel looks at me and I see something like hope in her eyes. "Can we join you?" She smiles numbly and nods. It isn't much but its progress.

We'll get there someday. Hopefully soon.

* * *

><p><strong>Rachel's POV<strong>:

San was off doing a few drills with Brittany and some other cheerios, we had a free period and she had insisted on staying with me while I baked but I forced her to go. I didn't want her to quit on being a teenager while she still could because of me.

"I didn't know you could bake." I look up and resist the urge to suck my teeth. It's Quinn.

"I happen to bake quite often." I answer and go back to making the cupcake batter. She stops on the other side of the counter and watches me for a moment.

"So how are the kid and S?" I hear a mumble of what could be jealousy in her voice.

"We're all fine thank you." I don't even look at her.

She hums and shifts her weight and I see her reach and she grabs my hand before I can pull it back. I places money in my hand and I see its two hundred dollar bills. I look her in the eye. "What's this?"

She shrugs. "Whatever Santana is making at that military job with B's brother can't be enough to cover all the insane doctor's bills."

I hold the money out to her. "It's enough, I don't need this."

"I have more money than Santana could make in a month already. Let me help."

"I'm with Santana; you need to respect that Quinn."

"Will you just,"

I shake my head. "No…this baby is mine and Santana's and we're in this together. Please take the money back, we don't need it."

She doesn't take the money back…but she turns and leaves as Santana comes in. It looks like a western standoff before Quinn finally leaves. Santana eyes me warily. "What'd she say to you?"

"Nothing important, she gave me this though." I hold out the money and she takes it. "We aren't keeping that by the way, we're above handouts Sanny."

She smirks. "I know baby. I gots this, leave it to me." She walks around behind me and curls her arms around my hips that are still growing. "Want some help with these?" I nod and she quickly asks what she can do to assist me.

Best baby daddy ever. She can always make me feel better.

"So your brother is coming around." She mumbles as she pulls a finished batch out of the oven and places a raw batch back in before closing it. "That's good right?"

I nod slowly as I start to frost the still cooling cupcakes. "It means we're getting there. I just hope we can be somewhat like we used to. I just want him to realize we have a bigger family and that I want him to be part of it."

"No offense but I kinda want our family to be you, me, and this little girl." She smirks. I scoff at her and toss some flour at her; she's changed from her uniform to a pair of loose blue sweats and a Beatles shirt she got from her brother years ago. She huffs and flicks a gob of frosting at me.

"You wanna have a food fight huh?" She grins as I laugh and nod, she comes up and hugs me close as she takes a handful of flour and drizzles it over my head making a small squeal leave my mouth.

I open an egg on her head and she makes a face before laughing. I feel bad about the egg for a moment but Santana told me these are the eggs that would never get to be babies, so they help by keeping human babies, like mine healthy, even though the one dripping from her hair is a small waste.

By the end of the small war, we're covered in all kinds of things like sugar, flour, dough, batter, sprinkles, and little droplets of raw egg here and there. I feel like this was something we needed as she pulls me in close and peppers my face with kisses and mumbles of 'I love you'.

We'd all get there…eventually.


	9. AN!

**This is beyond important folks!**

Make sure to copy and paste the petition below to make it your own story... We need this petition going around through everyone who is an active member on FF.

The administrators are, as of June 4th, going to be taking down Fics that have lemons or have extreme violence. Now I don't know about you but I think that's stupid. There are many wonderful fics that only have one or two lemons in them yet the plot itself is awesome! You can't just take down a 100,000+ word fic just because it has a lemon in a chapter that is only 1000 words long. Now I urge you all to read the petition below, sign it, and repost this to your own fics. Hopefully if we make enough noise everything will return to normal. Thank you.

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